Can you please help me edit my college essay. My writing seems to be everywhere and I would love to get some better opinions
As I sit in the stands feasting my eyes on the beauty that lies ahead of me, I begin to reminisce back to my freshman year. That was the year I experienced my first sense of failure. I yearned to find a place where I truly belonged, but could not seem to find my niche. This minor setback, however, pushed me to persevere. Without it, I would have never found the one thing that truly makes me happy, Marching Band.
The snarling of the trumpet soloist snaps me back into reality and settles my thoughts back into my head. I close my eyes and hear the creaking of the bleachers, the one bass drum that keeps tempo and the clink of a guard flag hitting the ground. It is here at this band competition, with the crowd cheering all around me, that I realize I am perfectly content. Growing up as an only child brought forth several disadvantages, one being loneliness. The feeling of finally being part of a team is something that has grown on me and will forever be irreplaceable. Marching Band competitions are the one place where I feel like no one is judging me, mostly because everyone around me is experiencing and feeling the exact same thing. Excitement on seeing what other bands have put together, Nervousness, hoping that their school will take home the first place trophy and familiar warmth of a friendly environment. These people that I have surrounded myself with are what make my content place most meaningful. They are what I consider to be my family. They are the people that I never grew up with, but wished that I always had by my side. Though we may all fight considering on how much time we spend together, I know that wherever my future takes me, I'll always have someone by my side and that's what makes me most happy.
As I sit in the stands feasting my eyes on the beauty that lies ahead of me, I begin to reminisce back to my freshman year. That was the year I experienced my first sense of failure. I yearned to find a place where I truly belonged, but could not seem to find my niche. This minor setback, however, pushed me to persevere. Without it, I would have never found the one thing that truly makes me happy, Marching Band.
The snarling of the trumpet soloist snaps me back into reality and settles my thoughts back into my head. I close my eyes and hear the creaking of the bleachers, the one bass drum that keeps tempo and the clink of a guard flag hitting the ground. It is here at this band competition, with the crowd cheering all around me, that I realize I am perfectly content. Growing up as an only child brought forth several disadvantages, one being loneliness. The feeling of finally being part of a team is something that has grown on me and will forever be irreplaceable. Marching Band competitions are the one place where I feel like no one is judging me, mostly because everyone around me is experiencing and feeling the exact same thing. Excitement on seeing what other bands have put together, Nervousness, hoping that their school will take home the first place trophy and familiar warmth of a friendly environment. These people that I have surrounded myself with are what make my content place most meaningful. They are what I consider to be my family. They are the people that I never grew up with, but wished that I always had by my side. Though we may all fight considering on how much time we spend together, I know that wherever my future takes me, I'll always have someone by my side and that's what makes me most happy.