Could you help me improve this essay?? Thank you very much for your time and help!
1. Describe a setback or ethical dilemma that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? Most importantly, what did you learn about yourself and how would you handle a similar situation in the future? (400 to 500 words, 3000 characters max)
It was one of the deepest feelings of failure that I have ever experienced. This was not the type of failure you come across when unpreparedly taking a quiz or in being picked last for a sports team during gym class. This was the type of failure that followed me throughout school and occupied my mind during the many sleepless nights I encountered. Yet I stand here now, proudly able to say I overcame this setback which has changed me into a more dedicated and grateful person.
Soccer has always consumed a majority of my day to day time. This large part of my life was quickly changed by simply rolling my ankle one evening at practice. The swollen joint and the throbbing pain were not enough to send me to the doctor at first, but the second and third roll followed not long after. I soon lost count of how many times with each subsequent practice I would lose my balance, falling clumsily to the ground after my ankles gave out from beneath me. I denied that anything was seriously wrong, but as the pain became more and more unbearable, I finally surrendered and went to the doctor. I was scared of what he would say, perhaps "No soccer for six weeks" or "Physical therapy." However it was the one word of which I was the most terrified that the doctor uttered that horrific day, "Surgery."
Having surgery on not one, but both of my ankles has proven to be one of the largest setbacks that I have ever faced in my life. My surgeries made me feel like a failure not only to my team but to myself. Receiving the prognosis from my doctor during the fall season of my junior year was a devastating blow to my confidence and morale. Being one of the starting mid-fielders of my school's girls soccer team meant that my fellow players needed me as a key player, but being one of two seniors for next year's season meant that the entire program needed me as a leader. As a senior I would be deemed chieftain, tasked with the responsibilities of scolding those who slacked off, of nurturing confused freshmen and most importantly, of being the keystone that would hold the team together, creating one successful unit.
I went through with the surgeries with a full year to recover for my senior season. I worked tirelessly on my physical therapy and exercises, never forgetting the ultimate goal of playing again. With just one week to prepare for tryouts, I made the team my senior season. If given the choice to go through with the procedure again, or to just cope with the flimsy, painful ankles I once had, I would without a doubt choose the surgery again. Balancing my time between recovery, academics, volunteerism, and a job required the maximum of dedication and proved to be difficult at times. Although the whole experience caused me significant stress, I learned more about my capabilities of dedication and determination than I ever thought possible. The surgeries and persistence through one year's worth of recuperation and physical therapy paid dividends as I achieved my goal to step on to the field again in order to play the sport that I love. I had overcome my perceived failure as a player in order to return with a will and drive stronger than ever before. Plus, I need my ankles to serve in the Air Force right?
It was one of the deepest feelings of failure that I have ever experienced. This was not the type of failure you come across when unpreparedly taking a quiz un prepared or in being picked last for a sports team during gym class.
I feel the latter part better be removed. Also, I wish if you adopted a more objective approach for answering this prompt. Rather than talking about situations that you didn't go through, I feel it is better that you talked about your experience with failure. So, I find most of the parts of your first paragraph are unnecessary and do not contribute much for you to come up with a strong answer for this prompt.
