Could someone please read my short essay for Common App and give feedback. The essay is at 153 words currently. I wasn't sure how to shorten it. Does it convey what I have learned from soccer and how it has developed me? Thanks!!
Prompt: Elaborate on one extracurricular activity or work experience
As captain of my soccer team, I shout "Play hard, play smart, have fun". I then lead the team onto the field, and I get the usual stares. At six foot, five inches and weighing two hundred and forty pounds most people assume I should play basketball instead of soccer. However, despite my height soccer has been my passion and teacher for the past ten years. When I am on the field I push my body to new physical skill and endurance levels. I can let my mind drift from the stress of school or a fight with girlfriend. Due to soccer I have traveled and experienced other cultures in the United States and in Europe. When on the field, a player's socioeconomic class or ethnicity does not matter. Soccer has given me confidence as a leader to motivate and criticize. My time management skills have been perfected and long lasting friendships formed.
Kamron
Prompt: Elaborate on one extracurricular activity or work experience
As captain of my soccer team, I shout "Play hard, play smart, have fun". I then lead the team onto the field, and I get the usual stares. At six foot, five inches and weighing two hundred and forty pounds most people assume I should play basketball instead of soccer. However, despite my height soccer has been my passion and teacher for the past ten years. When I am on the field I push my body to new physical skill and endurance levels. I can let my mind drift from the stress of school or a fight with girlfriend. Due to soccer I have traveled and experienced other cultures in the United States and in Europe. When on the field, a player's socioeconomic class or ethnicity does not matter. Soccer has given me confidence as a leader to motivate and criticize. My time management skills have been perfected and long lasting friendships formed.
Kamron