Hi! I've been looking over my common application essay and wanted to get more opinions about it. I feel like it's kind of a cliche topic to write about.
Thanks for taking the time to look at my essay, any feedback is appreciated :)
Question: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family. (Max: 650 words)
"You just gathered data that no one else has in the world!" Exclaimed my mentor, David. It was the first dataset I had ever collected; I was studying the development of balance in zebrafish, which could lead to cures for vestibular disorders in children. Prior to my internship, I thought all information was at my fingertips. I was complacent growing up; I thought I could use Google or books to find any information I desired. But what happens when the information does not exist? I faced this question during my internship and learned that problem solving are key elements to finding the answer, transforming my views on obtaining knowledge and approaching my community at school.
My worldview on learning was that everything and anything is accessible. This was easy when I was five years old and my questions were simple. I was obsessed with learning every breed of dog, so I bought all the books I could find and quickly satisfied my curiosity. However, as I grew older, the answers were not so direct. One day when I was looking at my water bottle, I noticed the straw was distorted. Instead thinking and applying what I learned from physics freshman year; I decided to Google the explanation. This seemed insignificant at the time, but in retrospect, I could have learned more from struggling to find out the answer than immediately giving up and seeking out the easy solution.
My internship was my first experience where the answers were unknown and my view on the path to gaining knowledge shifted to problem solving. At first it was hard adjusting to the fact that nothing could be found on Google, or even in books. It was the first time I encountered a situation where the only option was to work it out on my own. When I asked my mentor for help, instead of giving me the answer, he would ask me a series of questions that would guide me to figure it out. The first time he did that, I was completely caught off guard. Fortunately, I improved over time and was soon able to develop my own questions. I found that seeking out the answers through problem solving and conversation is much more rewarding than simply being given the answer.
This change in perspective altered my life and even impacted little things, like schoolwork. When discussing in class, I make sure to pose questions and comments that would accelerate the conversation into deeper thinking. I realize that it is not a singular question that generates knowledge, but the other questions that stem from the original inquiry. During my research internship, my goal was to answer one question: Does balance improve with age in zebrafish? However, while looking at the data and making observations, other questions popped up: Are there certain movements zebrafish can compensate for better than others? Many questions still remain a mystery and it is exciting and inspiring to think about how many questions are left untouched in all scientific fields.
After my internship, I gained the confidence to not accept what is given to me, but to seek the answer myself. I also acquired a sense of trust in myself, my voice and opinions that made me a stronger leader in the classroom and among my peers. Whether I need help or I am helping someone in my school with schoolwork, instead of giving straight answers, I ask questions that help them, and myself, work out the solution. My internship created a passion for research and problem solving I will pursue in a field to be determined. I am excited by the possibilities to solve the undiscovered and look forward to being part of a community of problem solvers.
Thanks for taking the time to look at my essay, any feedback is appreciated :)
Question: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family. (Max: 650 words)
"You just gathered data that no one else has in the world!" Exclaimed my mentor, David. It was the first dataset I had ever collected; I was studying the development of balance in zebrafish, which could lead to cures for vestibular disorders in children. Prior to my internship, I thought all information was at my fingertips. I was complacent growing up; I thought I could use Google or books to find any information I desired. But what happens when the information does not exist? I faced this question during my internship and learned that problem solving are key elements to finding the answer, transforming my views on obtaining knowledge and approaching my community at school.
My worldview on learning was that everything and anything is accessible. This was easy when I was five years old and my questions were simple. I was obsessed with learning every breed of dog, so I bought all the books I could find and quickly satisfied my curiosity. However, as I grew older, the answers were not so direct. One day when I was looking at my water bottle, I noticed the straw was distorted. Instead thinking and applying what I learned from physics freshman year; I decided to Google the explanation. This seemed insignificant at the time, but in retrospect, I could have learned more from struggling to find out the answer than immediately giving up and seeking out the easy solution.
My internship was my first experience where the answers were unknown and my view on the path to gaining knowledge shifted to problem solving. At first it was hard adjusting to the fact that nothing could be found on Google, or even in books. It was the first time I encountered a situation where the only option was to work it out on my own. When I asked my mentor for help, instead of giving me the answer, he would ask me a series of questions that would guide me to figure it out. The first time he did that, I was completely caught off guard. Fortunately, I improved over time and was soon able to develop my own questions. I found that seeking out the answers through problem solving and conversation is much more rewarding than simply being given the answer.
This change in perspective altered my life and even impacted little things, like schoolwork. When discussing in class, I make sure to pose questions and comments that would accelerate the conversation into deeper thinking. I realize that it is not a singular question that generates knowledge, but the other questions that stem from the original inquiry. During my research internship, my goal was to answer one question: Does balance improve with age in zebrafish? However, while looking at the data and making observations, other questions popped up: Are there certain movements zebrafish can compensate for better than others? Many questions still remain a mystery and it is exciting and inspiring to think about how many questions are left untouched in all scientific fields.
After my internship, I gained the confidence to not accept what is given to me, but to seek the answer myself. I also acquired a sense of trust in myself, my voice and opinions that made me a stronger leader in the classroom and among my peers. Whether I need help or I am helping someone in my school with schoolwork, instead of giving straight answers, I ask questions that help them, and myself, work out the solution. My internship created a passion for research and problem solving I will pursue in a field to be determined. I am excited by the possibilities to solve the undiscovered and look forward to being part of a community of problem solvers.
