'something about musical theatre' - Expand on one of your extracurriculars.

There's something about musical theatre. Something about workinghours a day for just a few on stage, about the friends that become your family,and about the expression of emotion withnothing but your body. I've known for a long time that my intellectual passionwas in science and engineering, but all of my creative passion lies on thestage. I learned through musical theatre how to completely release myself, tolet go and let everything be natural. It took me hours of dance lessons to trainmy long, awkward body to dance. I thought it would be all practice- memorizingthe various turns and leaps until they became natural- just like anything elseI was used to studying. But I had so many mental blocks up- it didn't seem likeI could master it like other subjects, until one class when my teacher told meto "just let go!" and I did it. Through musical theatre, I learned to release-to eliminate all mental blocks keeping me from my goals. And that is a lesson Iwill never let go.

You don't have to separate the first two sentences. Use a semi colon. I'm gonna agree with Zhoe. The beginning is interesting. Work on the core a little :)

Please help with mine!

"Something about working hours a day for just a few on stage" is unclear... and as for the parallel, you could probably get rid of the "about"s and turn "expressing emotions" into "the expression of emotions". Btw, it might have been an idiomatic choice, but you do realize that in that sentence, there isn't a working verb right?

"I was forced to face down" the word "down" is probably not necessary & maybe find a different word for "face"?

"So for me," could probably just be "For me,"

Overall, though, great essay. I know it's only a 1000 character essay, but if you could make it a little more personal, maybe with a very short anecdote, I could see it becoming even better.

you should focus more on how it shapes you as a person today