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"Sometimes the smallest thing..." - Commonapp Essay - Topic of your choice.



holmescallas 3 / 12  
Oct 3, 2010   #1
Any criticism and suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!

"Sometimes the smallest thing..."

"That was magical!"
I looked up the sky as my teammates cheered for me, I felt rain drops hitting my body, but I was there enjoying the rain...

2 hours ago
I was somehow depressed by the signs of this upcoming thunderstorm because it reminded me of my heavy losses as a freshman. Although I had good tennis skills, but I often lost because I wasn't able to handle the pressure. I remember once I was defeated from wining 5-0 to losing 7-5. But as I walked onto the courts, I no longer feel the pressure, over the years I've learned how to handle the pressure and turn it into energy and motivation.

And the match started
I could feel the wind as I tossed the ball in the air; I could see myself 3 years ago as I lost my games. May be it's this feeling that I started to lose from 2-0 to 4-2.

"The game is 8" I told myself.
"What's happening? Don't let the weather affect you!" trying to boost myself.
But I failed, as the game continued, I felt drops of rains hitting my arms. The sky is getting darker and darker, the wind is blowing harder and harder, and I'm losing faster and faster.

In a blink of an eye, I'm already losing 2-6. I saw the coach and teammates of my opponent are already waiting for the game to end. At that moment something "small" happened. Their coach slowly approached to us and said, "You know what, this rain is going to pour out soon, usually it's first to 8 games, but now next game wins, so first to 7 games wins."

This is what I said, "Ok. Sure, no problem!"
This is what I told myself, "You can't do that, the game is 8. But you know what; you think your player is going to win? You think I can't come back from 2-6? I'm going to try my best to continue this game! You want go home? No, you stay here until I finish the game, and if it starts to rain, let it be! But never underestimate what one can do!"

20 minutes after
The wind was still blowing, his teammates were still waiting, but I was determined to win! I slowly started to "control" the game and as the "ratio" between my score and his started to slowly decreasing. For some reason, I felt the rain was waiting for me to win.

It's finally 6-6, and as the coach said, "next game wins." For the next 5 minutes, I felt the weather was working towards my favor; 15-0. 30-0, 40-0...And as I tossed the ball into the air for my last serve, I told myself, "imagine 3 years ago, you were losing 40-0." And I won. For a moment, I was in a state of calmness, but then come the excitement!

Imagine if the coach never intended to end the match early, I would have probably lost. But his words boosted me! We often ignore the "smallest" things, but sometimes the "smallest" thing can be the "greatest" thing! In fact, what's "small" and what's "great"?

On my way to home, the rain grew harder; I was enjoying myself in the rain. But far beyond the west, I saw a peak of sunlight!

Kwally3 - / 1  
Oct 3, 2010   #2
". . . ratio between my score and his started to slowly decreasing"
change to "increase".
Your described ratio is your score divided by his score. decrease means his score increases faster than your score.

there are also grammar mistakes but i have to run right now. i'll post back later.

<3
Wanfang Wu
gabshel 3 / 7  
Oct 4, 2010   #4
"I was somehow depressed by the signs of this upcoming thunderstorm because it reminded me of my heavy losses as a freshman"
how did the thunderstorm remind you of your losses...kind of confusing? Maybe if there was a connection about the thunderstorms and your losing. If there isn't i do not think you need that sentence.
simbamaxxed 5 / 59  
Oct 4, 2010   #5
There are several grammatical errors,so the essence is lost. I'll point out some of them.

I looked up(to) the sky as my teammates cheered for me, I felt rain drops hitting my body, but I was there enjoying the rain...

-2 hours ago(Don't you mean 2 hours earlier?)

- Although I had good tennis skills, but I often lost because I wasn't able to handle the pressure.(Erase but.Also the pressure of what?)

-The wind was still blowing, his teammates were still waiting, but I was determined to win! I slowly started to "control" the game and as the "ratio" between my score and his started to slowly decreasing. For some reason, I felt the rain was waiting for me to win. (No need for "". )Also,it's slowly decrease NOT slowly decreasing.

-But far beyond the west, I saw a peak of sunlight!(this is meaningless)

Your work needs a lot of grammatical and language revision,there are lots of other errors I ommitted,but best wishes all the same.


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