Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width   Posts: 5


'Being the son of immigrants' - Ut Austin



besareso 1 / 13  
Jan 10, 2012   #1
Hello guys im doing my UT austin essay A

Can i please get some feed back on what i written so far i'm having trouble with it. Thank you

Being the son of immigrants I've always wanted to better myself and become someone my parents would be proud of. After all they had both left their home country to give my brother and I the opportunities they never had. Except I had to go through a life changing experience to ignite a passion to succeed in school and guide me towards a career in business.

As if by chance both of my parents work for BBQ restaurants in the Austin
area. My dad who has been working at the same restaurant for over a decade; came home everyday only to fill up the house with the BBQ scent I loved so much. Little did I know that what actually permeated throughout the room was smoke fused into his clothes after working the BBQ ovens every day, all day. Years later I had a run in with those ovens.

It was the summer break after my junior year in high school and I needed a job. Ironically, the only one I could find was at a small family owned BBQ restaurant doing simple tasks from working the cash register to washing dishes. Two weeks into my job the manager surprised me when he told me that I needed to learn how to prepare briskets. After I was taught how to salt and pepper the briskets he instructed me to put fifty inside of an oven pit. Once I opened the pit I was hit by a heat wave and blinded by a dark cloud of smoke that burned my eyes to the point where they started to water. As I struggled to balance the slabs of meat on the oven racks my forearms were constantly being scratched by hardened left over grease. Minutes later I felt a strong burning sensation coming from my arms, it was caused by the briskets salt that had brushed against my forearms. As sweat began running down my face I tried to wipe my eyes ,except I couldn't because my sleeves were stained with grease and my hands smeared with blood. At the exact moment I realized that the scent emitted from my father's clothes, he got it by going through what I had just gone through, not for one day, but for over ten years. I felt something I hadn't felt throughout school and it was the desire to succeed, this time not just to make my parents proud, but for myself.

This desire prompted to follow a business career. I knew that having a solid business education would open the many doors and opportunities my parents never had . Throughout my years in school I have always enjoyed taking the responsibility of a group leader. Talking to group members, making sure everyone was at task and getting projects done. This trait still follows me today. The idea that business decisions can impact the world fascinates me. Everyone is in some way impacted by businesses everyday whether it's through what they see or day to day interactions

Anant Bagchi 1 / 3  
Jan 10, 2012   #2
I don't mean to be rude, but this doesn't really answer the essay prompt. I've seen several posts by moderators and contributors (when talking about the SOP) where they tell the OP to write about a specific area of study he/she may be interested in. I'd say start of with your conclusion and expand your essay on your business interest.

Best of luck to you!!
OP besareso 1 / 13  
Jan 10, 2012   #3
Thank you for your input i really appreciate it. Im trying to convey that this experience shaped me in some way.. which it did because it made me want to study hard and actually do good in school. Do you have any tips on what i could say possibly more about the profession?
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Jan 12, 2012   #4
when you 'help' students by looking at their essays, "good job I like it" is not help.
OP besareso 1 / 13  
Jan 12, 2012   #5
I just wanted to give some positive support, but you are right I will help more next time.


Home / Undergraduate / 'Being the son of immigrants' - Ut Austin
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳