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jenny0601 2 / 2  
May 29, 2022   #1

increased numbers of newcomers from different countries - benefits and drawbacks

It is true that there is an increase in the proportion of immigration from war countries or poorer countries to developed countries these days. While some people believe that this has numerous drawbacks, I would agree with that but I also believe there are several benefits as well.

On the one hand, there are some advantages of immigration. Firstly, a diverse workforce will allow a variety of companies and industries to flourish. In Europe, for example, immigration helps to balance out the aging workers. Secondly, since governments welcome many people to live and work in their countries, the job markets will be increasingly competitive, then employees will make efforts to develop themselves, and as a result, enterprises could have more qualified workers. Finally, immigrants will also pay bills and taxes like native people which contributes to national finance.

On the other hand, in terms of accepting many immigrants, developed countries will have to tackle with a wide range of problems. This is because unskilled local individuals will be threatened to be jobless because some immigrants might willing to work with small salaries. In addition, unregulated immigration may harmful to people's safety, and the crime rates will be skyrocketed among unidentified people who moved from other countries. Terrorists might hide in normal people for negative purposes like shootings or worse, especially from Muslim countries. For instance, a shooting attack at a Christmas market in France caused many people's death.

In conclusion, I would argue that immigration has both pros and cons, governments should strictly control the percentage of newcomers in order to protect people's life.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,648 4752  
May 29, 2022   #2
The original prompt does not indicate the origin or basis of immigrants or multi-cultural societies. This information as provided by the writer created a topic deviation as he even attests to the truthfulness of his claim. Both of which are not part of the original presentation or discussion question. Significant deductions will be applied in relation to restatement accuracy.

With regards to the writer's opinion, the question asked requires the writer to only write 2 paragraphs. One for advantages and another for disadvantages, in no particular order. Nowhere in the original discussion instruction is he asked to agree or disagree with the listing. Additional percentage deductions will be applied to this section since the writer shows a clear misunderstanding of the discussion writing instructions. These 2 errors are indicative of a failing preliminary score.

Now, the reasoning paragraphs align with the expected discussion points and use ample connectors in the presentation. However, these will not be enough to pass the test since the concluding summary introduces a new discussion topic rather than a summarized discussion. The result of which will be a failing overall score due to an open ended presentation.
aanh1009 5 / 11  
May 29, 2022   #3
In the first paragraph, you have overpresented the problems and accidentally used some information which unfortunately was exclusive from the orginal representation
Matt1313 4 / 7  
Jun 2, 2022   #4
War countries does not mean anything, perhaps using war torn countries would be better.

Instead of providing more than 2 ideas in a paragraph, I suggest to devlop those 2 ideas to ensure a better score.

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