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'Both my parents and I are immigrants' - uc prompt 1

juanr4252 1 / 1  
Nov 21, 2011   #1
Any feedback is greatly appreciated
The essay I composed is:

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I am the oldest of four children. Both my parents and I are immigrants; I was 4 years old when we came into this great country and had no clue of how that would affect me. I never had a true understanding of the differences I had among other children my age, but it all came together when I began high school. I then found out of all the barriers and obstacle that were waiting for me as I began my journey to college, a journey to success. Since my parents did not go past elementary school in their home country, moving up in this country has been something difficult to do. I thank God that we have just enough to live everyday but seeing this constantly has definitely had an impact on me. I have always wanted to work to be able to support my parents and allow my siblings to enjoy of commodities that I may not have had as I grew up. My dad is the only one that is employed, and currently works as a dishwasher, my mother stays home as my younger siblings depend on her to help guide them through their early years. I have challenges in even being able to support my family with extra income but I have used my knowledge to accommodate for the disadvantages and began tutoring to be able to at the very least lessen the weight my dad has on his shoulders. Usually from time to time there will be an incident where I see people like me be discriminated against and it really creates a sense of confusion with in me, I have always heard that this country allows for everyone to succeed but yet people try to do everything they can to impede students like myself from reaching success.

Thanks to all of this I have always wanted to prove to myself that I could be better than everyone who doubted me based on the stereotypes of my background, and overcome the odds. My dreams have always been to achieve what my parents couldn't and take advantage of the opportunities that arise. I want to be the first in my family to reach college and ultimately earn a degree. My dad recently told me that he had a dream of opening up a business and it shocked me because that has also been my dream and now I want to fulfill it more than ever. Seeing how people like me are put down has only lightened the flame within me to reach my goal. It has been that and my family that have motivated me to do my best in high school. I am thankful that these obstacle have been placed in my path because it only makes me become more committed to reaching my goals, I see everything as a speed bump that will only cause me to slow down but never to stop. My family has always been the most important thing to me and there would be no better way of showing that to them than becoming successful and reaching my dreams, and then being able to support every single one of them in any way possible.

Lesliema713 2 / 4  
Nov 21, 2011   #2
The idea of the essay is good. I think you can indicate which country you migrate from can better illustrate ur situations.
btw, you can divide the first paragraphs into more paragraphs.

Hope this help! =]

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