SOP to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application

TOPIC

My essay:

My life was consecutive challenges. I never had quiet and calm days because of my family. My dad has impulse control disorder. His disorder made my older brother and mom to leave his house. I was the only one who stays in his house and deal with his stress. He always trying to fight with me for meaningless things. I had stressful time and oppressed by my father until the high school. Well, you can guess my face wasn't happiest person in the world and I always tried to hide this family issues from other people.

During the high school, I was lost. There was nobody I could talk to and I was embarrassed about lived in poverty. I couldn't even invite my friends to the house or hang out with them since I didn't have a dollar in my pocket. I didn't have any dream until the day my father called me "useless". This incident made me a different person. I want to become one of the most successful person in the world to prove that his wrong. Then I became involve with many student groups like student council to understand how to become a leader. It wasn't on my plan but I became a positive person and I learned that there were similar experiences just like what I have been gone through.

Sometimes I look back on my past to see how much I have grown up. Now, I go talk to people rather than wait for someone talk to me. I don't hesitate anymore but rather moving forward. I don't need to ask for help but rather I want to help other people.

Now I want to become the leader who can give positive mind to someone else. I want to study economic and help people whoever suffer from poverty just like I did. I know the feeling who want to become successful but couldn't achieve it due to an unfair system.

By studying the economic I would able to understand how the system work. I want to study in the one of most prestigious school in Texas in order to achieve this dream. I want to study at the University of Texas at Austin to grow as better leader and influence positive thought to others. It would be an honor for me to study at the University of Texas at Austin and it will be turning point for my life.

hi,

here are my little correction for u:

In bygone era , My life was consecutive challenges I got a large number of challenges respectively. I never had quiet and calm days because of my familyThe main factor that affected me as an awful life comes from my nucleus family . My dad has an impulse control disorder.His disorder made my older brother and mom to leave his house , results in my older brother and mom left a way . ........

- I didn't have any dream until the day my father called me -- My dream has left when my dad called me as 'crum people'

please make your article clearly and straight forward.

Thank you for your opinion. But can you explain to me where I should fix for my article? (I really not good at article)
And I never heard expression called "crum people" is it really necessary to use those word?( English is my second language but I never heard one before)

Hello!

Good job on your essay! There are a few grammar mistakes throughout your essay, but I'll let someone else fix them (since Grammar isn't my strong suit).

Onto more overall comments: Your essay isn't answering the prompt completely. Staring with the 2nd paragraph, you should talk about how your poverty-situation and/or father affected your "academic discipline". You did do a good job, however, of explaining how your dad affected your leadership and social skills.

In your last paragraph, it isn't quite clear what the "system" is. The essay will flow more if you connect it to your economic situation and how life is in your world.

Best of luck editing your essay!

(I've never heard of "crum people" either. But I believe it refers to a useless person. I think that using a simple and powerful word like "useless" is a better alternative to non-universal words, i.e. Crum people.)

:)