"Dear Daddy, I feel really good waking up today. Thank you for everything. Watching Samuel sleeping soundly on his bed makes me smile..." Unbeknownst to my brothers, I recently began a diary to talk to God. Some people can easily hear God's voice and some can feel His presence. I am still slowly developing a relationship with Him and discerning His voice.
Sorrow, anger, and doubt are part of my Christian journey as I persevere through the narrow road covered with dried tears over a loss of a loved one, far away cries of disbelief over the betrayal by a trusted guardian, and transient obstacles that tempts me to take the easier, wider road of the world where the truth is distorted and God seems nonexistent. Yet, through my narrow path, I can see God's succor and guidance in my life in every situation. For example, God reunited me with my brothers, and brought us to live with our loving grandparents in northern California, away from our manipulative guardian. 'Why did I not see it before?' I ask myself. I look into my relationship with Him, one that I now realize is lacking in many components, and understand that I have been pushing Him away in anger and sorrow over tribulations like my mother's death. Yet, even though I pushed Him aside, He continued to reach out to me, offering reprieve and guidance for my lost and weary soul. Time and time again, I reject him, trying to single handedly solve my own problems and turmoil. Finally, in my exhaustion, I give in and return to Him like the prodigal son. This time, I not only want to maintain my relationship with Him, but fully develop it by knowing Him and experiencing His power and glory.
Many people try to conceal their weaknesses and peccadilloes in fear of human judgment and their own frailty. Must we always look strong as we carry our hefty burdens? I choose to leave my burdens at the cross for although I am weak, God is strong, and I can do what truly matters at the moment: developing my relationship with Him.
Sorrow, anger, and doubt are part of my Christian journey as I persevere through the narrow road covered with dried tears over a loss of a loved one, far away cries of disbelief over the betrayal by a trusted guardian, and transient obstacles that tempts me to take the easier, wider road of the world where the truth is distorted and God seems nonexistent. Yet, through my narrow path, I can see God's succor and guidance in my life in every situation. For example, God reunited me with my brothers, and brought us to live with our loving grandparents in northern California, away from our manipulative guardian. 'Why did I not see it before?' I ask myself. I look into my relationship with Him, one that I now realize is lacking in many components, and understand that I have been pushing Him away in anger and sorrow over tribulations like my mother's death. Yet, even though I pushed Him aside, He continued to reach out to me, offering reprieve and guidance for my lost and weary soul. Time and time again, I reject him, trying to single handedly solve my own problems and turmoil. Finally, in my exhaustion, I give in and return to Him like the prodigal son. This time, I not only want to maintain my relationship with Him, but fully develop it by knowing Him and experiencing His power and glory.
Many people try to conceal their weaknesses and peccadilloes in fear of human judgment and their own frailty. Must we always look strong as we carry our hefty burdens? I choose to leave my burdens at the cross for although I am weak, God is strong, and I can do what truly matters at the moment: developing my relationship with Him.