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"Sorry son I can't afford your higher education" - Common App Essay on transition to adulthood

ksingh155 1 / 1  
Dec 14, 2016   #1
Common App Essay
Prompt 5

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

Finally I have achieved it. I am here sharing my knowledge, leading a group, doing research, creating revolutions, enriching myself with knowledge, leading cleanliness drive, opening a new door full of mysteries .

Six Years ago.

We can't afford your education son.
I walked out my parent's room. Dejected.Disoriented.Distraught.I was not going to study.

I was 10 year old and lived in a poverty.Poverty seemed to tear me off from education when I was in 5th grade.However I yearned for education as inner fire of my heart cried for it. My nights became horrible and days unrealistic. I tried everything. I travelled with my parents to request relatives and friends. I visited my uncle, my aunt, landlords.They heard our request and advised us to go some other source.I listened to their threats and returned to them again and again.But Alas! All in vain got no help.

Finally when I got to my father with my plea for bank loan.
"Sorry son I can't afford your higher education," he said.

I refused to accept the hard reality of my fate; I wanted so desperately to say that he was wrong.But I was too tired. Too tired of depending on others, too tired of looking for a hope, too tired of running on the road which leads me nowhere.Too tired of giving a false hope to myself.Yet whether I chose to accept or not, destiney had thrown me in the abject poverty.I knew somewhere that I need to fight, need to fight hard for education.

But I was too tired to fight.

There is always a silver lining in every dark cloud. And yes it is as one day a ray of hope came in the form of Principal of my school. Who came with a form of VidyaGyan Leadership Academy where education was free of cost for rural meritorious students. Being a meritorious student of my school he had chosen me to fill that form. And I filled it.

Now I got the strength to fight as that form had worked as the elixir of life for me and provided me with immense stamina to prepare for my exam.The intense urge inside my heart helped me to work day and night and prepare myself for the test. It provided me a new life and only opportunity to study. So I had put all my efforts to turn this only chance as an accomplishment and gave the test.

When result came I was astonished as I secured First Rank in my district which means I had find a key to the the curious world. A world full of excitement, wonder and knowledge. A world full of curiosity, opportunity and reality. A world full of surprises, mysteries and overcomings.

I still remember what my father spoke to me at that day with tears in his eyes,"Son, You have really made me proud. I will tell every villager that my son has not made any mistake rather he has overcome his difficulties and proved that son of farmer can also study."

Today, I am studying in VidyaGyan and achieved a lot more than that I could have achieved in my village. But, this is not the end as my heart still yearns for quest of knowledge and yearns to lend a helping hand to them who was not fortunate enough to triumph over poverty and come out of other side.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,223 4319  
Dec 14, 2016   #2
Rudra, you are supposed to be discussing an event that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood. That is not what is reflected in this essay. You were a mere 10 year old who won a scholarship to go to school. That is not a transition story. The transition story would have been if you were 15 and had to work in order to pay for your education. That is not the case here. At the age of 10, you won a scholarship. So someone else was in charge of paying for your fees and someone else still had responsibility for you because you were still a child. There is absolutely no transition story to be told in the current presentation that you have.

You must think of a more recent incident wherein you were given either more trust to perform a sacred duty in your community or given more responsibility for yourself by having your parents or other elders trusting you to make some big and serious decisions for yourself. This essay is all about showing a sense of maturity and responsibility either for yourself or for other people. It is about showing the reviewer that you are capable of making serious decisions that can have a significant effect on other people. This is all about telling the reviewer that, as per your parents and other elders view of you as a person, you are now ready for more responsibility in your life and that you can handle it properly.

Some of the stories that you can share here would be the first time you traveled alone, getting a driver's license, moving to your own apartment, getting your first job and helping with your family finances, or other similarly themed stories. You can look at the examples of how the other students responded to this prompt at this forum if you are lost as to how to start your essay or what story to tell. I look forward to reading your revised essay. I hope it is more aligned to the prompt requirements by that time.

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