Speaking Through Walls - Harvard Essay

Can you guys tell me what you think of my harvard common app essay about challenges in my life? Feel free to offer corrections
Speaking Through Walls

When I was six years old I began to realize that something was not quite right with the way that I spoke. Sometimes when I talked an invisible wall would appear out of nowhere and stop all sound from escaping, leaving me totally incapable of saying what I needed to say. It seemed that no force could break this impenetrable wall and the only remedy for stopping its creation was total luck. Now, even at seventeen years of age, my body still chooses to build these walls that speech therapists call "blocks" and I still have problems breaking them down.

However, something came along that I could have never expected. Three years ago I fell in love with Spanish and Mandarin Chinese, and being languages they obviously heavily rely on the speaking portion. Nevertheless, I carried on with ignorance to the problems that could possibly occur whenever I speak to a native speaker or attempt to have a simple conversation. There was always the fear that the words would simply not break through the wall and I would leave someone with the impression that my speaking was elementary at best. Today, I am able to look back at those times and laugh at my uncertainty. Not only am I the top of my class and have become fluent in Spanish in less than three years, but I am also an incessant talker. Every time I see someone that I know speaks Spanish or Chinese I immediately strike up a conversation with them in their native tongue. My speech has brought numerous translation and teaching opportunities to me and I have had the privilege of making amazing friends that I would never have been able to make without knowledge of foreign languages.

Does this mean that my walls don't exist anymore? Absolutely not. Sometimes when I speak Spanish or Chinese I still become completely stuck in my words and no sound will come out. However, I have learned something immensely valuable from studying languages. The walls that we create in life, for me my fear of speaking and looking crazy, are only as big as we make them. While I still am forced to fight these walls, they have become seemingly paper thin and are broken down by simple acceptance and blind perseverance towards an unknown and often surprising future of great success.

Your essay is fluid and coherent, but content wise, I'm jut not impressed. You talk about a theme that many people write on: Overcoming weakness and becoming a success. I want to hear something about you that strikes you as strong and confident such as ,"I destroyed these invisible as I develop a stronghold of confidence and coax myself to speak the romantic language of Spanish with master in fluency."

Now that is more impressive. Now isn't the time to be humble, but be big.

I hope my advice helps.

Can you give my Cornell Human Ecology essay a ready?

In your first paragraph try to make it clear that you are having a tough time speaking different languages, not necessarily a speech impediment. That is what I thought at first. Did these languages reduce your problems with speech? I am not sure. Explain so the admission readers know exactly where you are going before you get there.

Nice essay. I don't think there is anything to change.