I'm a student at University of Kansas and I'm applying as a transfer student to a lot of big-names -- Brown, Harvard, Dartmouth, Stanford, Caltech, Columbia, Yale... the list goes on. I have very strong academics, a full year in my field's industry as a full-time employee, and other things going for me, but wound up stuck here (long story, unfortunately). I'm working on my common application essay and would like a second opinion on a few things:
1) Is the writing style good? I'm trying to be straightforward and concise, but not utterly boring.
2) Am I headed in the right direction? I did my best to avoid totally bashing my current school (had to take out several sentences!), as transfer applicants are advised to not do that.
3) This is just a start. I plan on expanding on this essay (maybe 200-300 more words) to talk about why transferring will benefit me (primarily academic motivations) as well as my next destination -- will that be enough to really answer the question well?
I appreciate all and any helpful and/or critical comments. I will happily take a look at others' content to return the favor.
PROMPT & ESSAY: (so far)
Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. (250-650 words)
I ushered myself into this school with every intention to see myself out. The daily, unrelenting 90-degree low coupled with high humidity is not for me--I can't sport a tank-top, and my feet are too pasty to pull off flip-flops. A semester into pursuing my field at this institution has yielded a grand total of zero friends, with the exception of my 30-year-old roommate, who is studying Russian, I think. My most prevalent dissatisfaction is I am in need for an academic upgrade, and University of Kansas has too many restrictions to provide it. I'm stuck in a course that assumes zero programming experience, which leaves me bored and desperate for a challenge. Unfortunately, this could be the case for the next three semesters, if I have to stick around. As much as I want to embrace a liberal-arts based education here, the overwhelming emphasis my current institution puts on humanities and non-technical fields overshadows my pursuit towards a concentration in computer science.
I aim to subdue my complaints for good as soon as possible. I'm applying as a transfer student primarily to secure a spot at an institution that better serves my needs, and that allows me to make the contributions that I want to make. The obvious barriers of my current academic development--mainly, an unsubstantial EECS department--will be non-issues. [More on benefits of transferring, what my new schools have to offer, and where my passions will dive into].