"Why Stanford?" I want to be a bridge

I need some serious help. I don't know if what I was trying to say came out right. Did you get the whole concept of being a bridge? Any suggestions would be appreciated!

I studied a documentary on MIT and realized it was undeniably cutthroat. I attended a Princeton Book Award Ceremony and it was a bit insincere. I was not impressed. I was not satisfied.

In my book, it just seems that I get the most joy and satisfaction out of anything that I can give to and receive from simultaneously. And to me, that's how all great relationships should work, whether it is in a family or a school. I believe that my wide understanding of many cultures would best serve an extremely diverse student body such as Stanford's. I have fished with Intuits in Alaska, danced with tribesmen in Swaziland, ate notoriously hearty meats with Uruguayans, brewed ginseng with Koreans, and have tried on cowboy boots with Texans. I didn't just visit those places; I called each of them my home at one point in my life. At Stanford, I hope to be a cultural bridge for the student body- enabling peers to cross the turbulent waters of misunderstanding unscathed.

On the flip side, this awesome combination of all walks of life will enhance my bridge, adding new levels and cultures to pass through, making another lane for two way communication, and attaching rails of patience to ensure a traveler will not fall into the water that causes pain from ignorance. It's a win-win situation, and I would really like to put these crazy experiences of mine to the best use possible.

I need some serious help. I don't know if what I was trying to say came out right. Did you get the whole concept of being a bridge? Any suggestions would be appreciated!

I see your bridge concept but I have some serious questions though.


I don't see how this fits in. All I see is you bashing on other top schools that rival Stanford.

Also, overall, I don't feel like you address the prompt. It seems like you are more answering "What do I bring to Stanford?" instead of why Stanford is a good fit for you. The idea you want to convey is nice but maybe more specifically describe what you will do with your experiences instead of just "meeting with new people."

i agree with blackpixel23. While it is interesting to read about all the places you have been to, it does not really show why Stanford is the best place for you. I think you need to find something specific about the school besides its diverse enrollment. Its diversity is a good start, but there needs to be more.

I like your bridge metaphor.

Some parallels are drawn a bit awkward . e.g.:

... and attaching rails of patience to ensure a traveler will not fall into the water that causes pain from ignorance .

Are you really implying that patience can help prevent people from painful consequences from ignorance? Do you see what I mean? Feels a bit misconnected.