Stanford supplement -- bungee jumping

A gentle mountain breeze licked my skin. If it could taste anything, it would taste the chilling fear reeking from my cold sweat. I was born with a severe case of acrophobia - I was even sometimes scared to look down from a second floor balcony. But at that moment I was looking at a safety pool three hundred feet below the wavering platform I stood on. I was about to bungee jump. For a full three minute I stood there gripping the support beams for dear life, vacillating between giving up and trusting the six inch thin bungee cord.

I've always aspired to have warrior's mentality like the heroes in the epics of Homer but when trouble came, I usually lived with it. I was too passive, so I needed a red badge of courage to assert control over my decisions. All my troubles, all my regrets could have been avoided if only I was strong enough. Henry Ford once said that "whether you think you can or you can't, you're right." Fear made me thing I can't. I had an opportunity to change my mentality on one of my greatest adversities, and I couldn't say no. So I closed my eyes and 3, 2, 1, I jumped.

Bungee jumping reflected the debilitating effects of self-doubt in the most extreme form. If I had the courage to face one of my greatest fears just once, then I can face the other forms of insecurity just the same. What matters is conquering fears because in doing so, I can conquer the greatest obstacle to success: myself.

I have around 500 characters remaining, what should I add and stuff?
Be harsh plz

THANKS!!!

technically it doesnt. it reflected you DEFYING your weakness and fear



think , i'm guessing?


elaborate. this is your main idea. what do you mean by living with it--were you the cowering civilian instead of the hero? how does a badge of courage help you control your decisions? strong enough, as in muscular? (strong is a bit vague)

i think reeking is too strong a word--it reminds me of trash and not taking a bath for days. use emanate, maybe?
for a full three minutes
"Fear made me think I can't" i'm kind of iffy on this one, but i think it's "i couldn't"

Pretty cool--I want to bungee jump. :)
it'd be nice if you added something like "now i look from the second-floor balcony with no problem" showing how you have conquered your fear.

if you can, check my roomate essay please?

Hi! a very well-written essay =)
I don't think I can suggest anything.
Btw, what is the prompt of this essay?

I think this essay would be even greater if you add another personal experience or another real-life occasion when you confront your fear. It doesn't have to be long. Just touch mildly on that achievement so that there is a support to your essay

I hope this helps!

please take a look at my "giving back to your country essay"
thank you!

Hey This is "what matters to you"right? I'm also applying for Stanford so the last sentence give me some hints.But my suggestion is that you should mention things about what matters to you much earlier, actually,I understand what's your answer when I finish your essay,I guess it would be better if you let us to know what's your point earlier.

Just my suggestion,hope it could help.

I'm also doing this essay and one pointer I can give you is that even if you don't introduce your point earlier, because i can see some form of it in your story, atleast write more about it in the end. Meaning, your conclusion of the essay is the real "answer and explanation" portion and it is short and a little lacking in depth. Everything leading up to it is fine and keeps the reader in quite nicely. You just need to wrap it up better and leave a better sense of closure and get your point across better

could you by chance help me decide on my roommate post on which one i should choose?

an interesting essay, and certainly very unique. I would suggest elaborating some more, because aside from your acrophobia and the fact that you apparently read Homer's epics, this doesnt tell us too many details about your personality- add a more personal touch, and provide more personal examples. you could talk about the jump itself, put some poetic stuff in there how you let go of your fear or something, and sum it up by elaborating on how that incident affected your life since. Hope this helps, and good luck!