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Stanford Essay. Roomie... Here I come.


metalstriker 6 / 16  
Dec 25, 2011   #1
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Hey roomie!!! Congrats to you (and to me) on reading this, it must mean we both made it!
I'm Bhavik Kumar. 5'8''. Left-handed. Single and available.
I was born and brought up in Malaysia, a diverse and developing country where the 3 major races are Malay, Chinese and Indian. The country's famous slogan: unity through diversity. So trust me when I say that for the last 18 years, I've been in 3 places at once. I practice Jainism, in which the main teaching is of non-violence. So, yes, I would say I'm a pacifist...though only to a certain extent (I've also got a black belt (1st Dan) in taekwondo). Also, through Jainism, I've been a pure vegetarian since birth, not even eating eggs. You might be thinking 'lucky me, I can eat whatever I want', but then, think again, because now, I'm a vegetarian by choice and I've got 18 years worth of veggies in me.

Many would describe my sense of humor as overly-sensitive. There is always that awkward moment when I continue to laugh long after everyone has stopped and I can laugh at, well, almost anything. I am extremely sarcastic. To get a straight answer from me, I'd say you'd have to plan long, long ahead. Also, I apologize in advance if I wake you up when you hear me singing in the middle of the night. It will probably cause you to go without sleep for the next 2 days. But don't worry too much, I'm getting better.

When I am free, I juggle, go jogging or practice taekwondo. Taekwondo has been a part of my life since I was seven. I also play badminton, tennis, chess and soccer. I have won several soccer and archery tournaments over the years. Occasionally, I hone my piano skills as well.

I'm sure our time will be filled to the brim... nay, overflowing with countless hours of laughter and exchange of thoughts. There's no doubt that we'll take to each other immediately. I can't wait to share with you my joke of the witch, the politician and the engineer that went to the bar.

By your side always,

Bhavik K. D.

So what do you guys think? I had a lot of fun writing this essay. I think Stanford sets some of the most fun essays. (I even enjoyed the one about intellectual development).
agronr 3 / 12  
Dec 25, 2011   #2
I don`t really know about grammar but the letter is very convincing.
Good job. They will really picture you as a fun guy who is interested in everything.
cupnoodle123 15 / 52  
Dec 25, 2011   #3
I like it and had fun reading it :D...can you tell that joke now lulz :)
jimmytangy 2 / 3  
Dec 25, 2011   #4
Also, through Jainism, I've been a pure vegetarian since birth, not even eating eggs. You might be thinking 'lucky me, I can eat whatever I want', but then, think again, because now, I'm a vegetarian by choice and I've got 18 years worth of veggies in me.

This part confuses me, because you at first say that you're vegetarian because of Jainism, but then you tell us you can eat whatever you'd like, and then you tell us you're not a vegetarian by choice. Reword this a little to show what you really mean. Make it simple.

Many would describe my sense of humor as overly-sensitive. There is always that awkward moment when I continue to laugh long after everyone has stopped and I can laugh at, well, almost anything. I am extremely sarcastic.To get a straight answer from me, I'd say you'd have to plan long, long ahead. Also, I apologize in advance if I wake you up when you hear me singing in the middle of the night. It will probably cause you to go without sleep for the next 2 days. But don't worry too much, I'm getting better.

I'd suggest you strike this part out. It may show a bit of character about yourself and suggests that you're a really cool guy, but it'd probably make someone request a room mate transfer immediately - especially the sarcastic and overly insensitive humor part.
OP metalstriker 6 / 16  
Dec 25, 2011   #5
Thx for the reviews guys.

Well, actually, the part about vegetarianism was that I was first thought to be a veg. Then, I say to my room-mate that HE would think HE is lucky. And then I say I'm veg. by choice. ... It doesnt come out clearly? Should I restructure it or do you think it can easily be understood?
Buffomatic 3 / 11  
Dec 25, 2011   #6
Yeah I was confused about the vegetarian part too. Definitely restructure that. Just like jimmy tang said, you should cut that line out because I don't think Stanford would want a guy who makes it difficult to give straight answers. Other than that I think it's a great essay. Stanford is tough but I believe you got the quirkiness that they are looking for.

I would love it if you critique my essays as well! Thanks.
inventor1488 2 / 17  
Dec 26, 2011   #7
You might be thinking 'lucky me, I can eat whatever I want', but then, think again, because now, I'm a vegetarian by choice and I've got 18 years worth of veggies in me.

"Lucky me"? wouldn't he say "lucky him"?

the bold part also reads rather choppily. you may want to fix that.


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