Hey guys :)
I would really appreciate it if you could critique the following essay:
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The sounds of doors banging shut and furniture screeching drift down the hallway into my room. As I carefully hang up my navy blue and white striped sweater, I can already imagine my first meeting with my new roommate.
"Hey! It's so great to finally meet you!"
I would probably give her a hug, or warm handshake to ease the atmosphere a little.
"I'm Lu by the way, and as you can probably tell from the photos of my friends and the scenery stuck on the wall, I'm from Hong Kong. So, where are you from?"
"Let me tell you a few things about me. I'm not just your average, stereotypical, 17 year old Asian. While I enjoy my fair share of TV dramas and teenage magazines, one of my quirky habits is to read about Greek mythology. I know it may sound strange, but it really is fascinating. I'm also quite a musical person, since I'm at quite a high grade for piano playing, and I took music for my IB Diploma at school. Generally, I prefer music from the 80s, but also a few bands that are around today. I mostly like decoding the meanings behind the lyrics."
"Usually, to relieve stress or anger, I go jogging at night, a little something I call anger-running which actually helps me sleep better. I normally sleep quite late, since I find I work better at night. I'll apologize in advance if I keep you up at night! Or if it bothers you, I'm sure the library can accommodate me. "
"Typically, I'm a happy person; you can probably tell by the bright colors I've decorated my half of the room with. At the same time, I'm also quite spontaneous. During our four years, you'll have to live with my inane theories and silly stories that I come up with, at the most random times. But, I'm sure we'll have a blast! Living at Stanford is going to be amazing."
"But first, tell me a little about yourself."
Knock. Knock.
"She's here!"
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Any comments/suggestions on how to improve?
THANKS A MILLION!
I would really appreciate it if you could critique the following essay:
-----------------------------------------------------------
The sounds of doors banging shut and furniture screeching drift down the hallway into my room. As I carefully hang up my navy blue and white striped sweater, I can already imagine my first meeting with my new roommate.
"Hey! It's so great to finally meet you!"
I would probably give her a hug, or warm handshake to ease the atmosphere a little.
"I'm Lu by the way, and as you can probably tell from the photos of my friends and the scenery stuck on the wall, I'm from Hong Kong. So, where are you from?"
"Let me tell you a few things about me. I'm not just your average, stereotypical, 17 year old Asian. While I enjoy my fair share of TV dramas and teenage magazines, one of my quirky habits is to read about Greek mythology. I know it may sound strange, but it really is fascinating. I'm also quite a musical person, since I'm at quite a high grade for piano playing, and I took music for my IB Diploma at school. Generally, I prefer music from the 80s, but also a few bands that are around today. I mostly like decoding the meanings behind the lyrics."
"Usually, to relieve stress or anger, I go jogging at night, a little something I call anger-running which actually helps me sleep better. I normally sleep quite late, since I find I work better at night. I'll apologize in advance if I keep you up at night! Or if it bothers you, I'm sure the library can accommodate me. "
"Typically, I'm a happy person; you can probably tell by the bright colors I've decorated my half of the room with. At the same time, I'm also quite spontaneous. During our four years, you'll have to live with my inane theories and silly stories that I come up with, at the most random times. But, I'm sure we'll have a blast! Living at Stanford is going to be amazing."
"But first, tell me a little about yourself."
Knock. Knock.
"She's here!"
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Any comments/suggestions on how to improve?
THANKS A MILLION!