i'm not sure if you can get an idea of who i am as a person by this essay. i would love any suggestions!
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.
I remember when one of my friends once told me that "To know who you are, observe the people you hang out with; analyze what bothers you about them, and what you like." By doing this, I have a better sense of who I am.
My best friend Vicki, for example, runs late everywhere she goes. If we planned to be somewhere at eight...she will surely be there by nine, which really gets on my nerves. Not only do I need to be punctual, I try to be early. This is something I thought a lot of people did, yet I realized that it is something pretty uncommon, after waiting for my friends to arrive late wherever we had planned to meet, way too many times.
Some of my other friends just go with the flow. No plan on what they are going to do whatsoever. I don't like that. I guess I need things to have a date, a time and a place, or plans end up not happening, which leads to something that I cannot stand: inefficiency. Nevertheless, this does not mean that I would not hop on the subway at the last minute when a friend calls me up on short notice suggesting we go out on the town.
There is, however, one thing that I feel fortunate my friends and I share: loyalty. We are always there for each other, and are non-judgmental of our differences in personality, overall supplementing each other quite well: when one is down, the rest bring him up; extroverts encourage introverts like me to be wilder, or just because each one of us comes from a different place - culture. Some are Spanish; others are British, North American, South American, Senegalese, or even Asian. We all share our experiences and bring great diversity and innovation to the group. Thankfully for me, all of these show signs of a long-lasting friendship, which I consider crucial in life.
try not to be too negative when you describe your friends
and when you say that you cannot stand inefficiency you could come off to the admissions officers as a person who cant cope with change and is therefore not quite mature enough for college
i like your overall theme though. with a few changes to the tone you will have an essay with great potential for getting in
I'm with anhammond on this.
Try to portray your friends in a slightly more positive light. You did say at the beginning that your friends are a way of viewing yourself.
You have a very creative essay though. I'd never thought of describing other people to describe myself.
thank you for your advice. i'll try to change it as soon as possible. even so, how can i change it so that it doesn't seem as if i'm totally critisizeing my friends without changing the overall idea of the essay?
Some of my other friends just go with the flow. No plan on what they are going to do whatsoever. I don't like that. I guess I need things to have a date, a time and a place, or plans end up not happening, which leads to something that I cannot stand: inefficiency.
These sentences in particular give a negative appeal to your friends. You state twice that you don't like what they are doing. Try to use softer words there and be specific that you're describing your friends' traits and not your friends. Because right now it sounds like you can't stand your friends rather than their inefficiency.
an excellent idea, but as other posts have said before, be careful with the negativity. It can be good to describe what you don't like, but be careful not to tear people down too much, or come off as negative yourself.
the idea of your essay is basically that your friends are the window to your personality. you can still get this across without the negativity
My best friend Vicki, for example, runs late everywhere she goes. If we planned to be somewhere at eight, she will surely be there by nine. I, on the other hand,
Not only do I needlike to be punctual and even early. I thought punctuality was common , but I realized that it is actually something pretty uncommon after waiting for my friends to arrive late wherever we had planned to meet way too many times.
it can also help to downplay negativity by humbling yourself. maybe instead of saying that you thought punctuality was common because you are a punctual person, say something along the lines of: I love punctuality, but learning to appreciate the fashionably late really opened my mind to ways of thinking besides my own...etc.