I know this essay is not very structured, was going for a more creative feel. Please let me know how I can improve on this-I feel that some of it is too vague/random.
prompt:
Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.
essay:
This sentence is false.
I am a paradox. I am a genius of the inane, bad puns sprouting from my mouth as often as I reflect on my place in the world. I am rather absent-minded, yet my musings add depth to my observations. I am the most outgoing, introspective person you will ever meet. I find humor in absurd situations from everyday life. I cannot stay up long enough to figure out if I snore or not. I am a simple person, fascinated by complex systems like Bach's fugues or tropical aquatic ecosystems. I ponder the mysteries of the universe when reading about the motion of atoms. I also enjoy diligently wasting time by reading manga and Wikipedia articles, watching movies, or napping. I sing in Chinese but listen to classic English rock. I want to take guitar lessons so that I can improvise. I am hooked on fish-keeping. I am tolerant of other people's views, as long as it does not involve country music, sparkling vampires, or eggplants. I love to drink...water. I adore quality Indian food, but can sustain myself on instant noodles. I can ride my bike further than I drive, because I cannot. I watch tennis on TV while playing it with paddles on a table. I am addicted to medical dramas but repelled by blood. I am a maestro of off-key singing in the shower, a magician of the stunningly obvious, a pioneer in oft-explored areas of knowledge. I also think that I look better than I actually do.
That was truly a pleasure to read. LOL! I have nothing to add, it is complete...creative license granted.
Blue skies!
Jeannie
The tone is perfect.
I think this is an excellent essay. The fact that it is sporadic and jumps around is perfect because it is the tone you are trying to achieve. At the same time that it doesn't follow a coherent structure, it effectively creates a proper personage of who you are. However, I believe the strongest part of this piece is your verb usage, as well as the thought placed in each sentence to make it a paradox.
The only thing that throws me off is that you mention singing twice. Once through singing chinese in comparison to listening, and once as singing in the shower. Maybe you vocally express yourself, as to the word singing?
All in all, this is a written very well. Good job!
This was so great. It expresses who you are very well, and it shows off different sides of you. Congrats! =D
I'm reading it over and over again. Really a nice work !
