State Drill Competition; Testing leadership abilities/ COMMON APP

This is a short 250 word prompt asking me "Have you ever overcome an obstacle that demonstrates your leadership abilities? If so, describe."

Please critique and help me make changes, I feel as though it's very choppy with rough transitions but it was hard to make it flow with such a limited amount of words.

Drill Competition

This past year my leadership was tested at a State Drill Competition. My exhibition platoon was the first team of the day to compete. There were many freshmen on the team who had never been to states and experienced such a stressful environment. We were warming up an hour before we had to compete when one of our squad members accidentally snapped a rifle in half. To top it off we had no extra replacement rifles. Needless to say we were all in a frenzy but our drill instructor took the news the worst. He went on a never-ending rant cussing us all out. He was telling us that there was nothing we could do and that we were going to have to forfeit. As commander I took it upon myself to go against his will and do my best to fix the rifle. I told him that yelling wasn't going to fix the problem, then I asked him for the keys to the car so I could go fix the rifle myself. Angry that I stood up to him, he chucked the keys at my face. I ended up gorilla gluing and duck taping the rifle back together. It may not have looked "pretty", but it got the job done. I pulled my teams morale together and made them stop crying long enough to practice and go perform. We ended up getting second place in the entire state. That's the highest any team in Collier County has ever placed.

@sogeily
The first sentence shouldn't be necessary because you display leadership in the rest of the essay. (This would free up your word count a little more.)

"I told him that yelling wasn't going to fix the problem, then ..." Maybe expand on this sentence a little more because this is really the key point you're trying to make. But I really love how you thought that giving up wasn't an option and therefore, got you guys second place.

Lizzbetthe, going rogue and disobeying a higher authority is not a leadership skill that is to be admired. Even if it did help your team win a place in the competition. A true leader knows how to respect authority in the face of disaster. He does not go rogue and engage the drill instructor in a battle of wills. A true leader would have worked with the drill instructor instead in order to rally the team, calm the nerves of everyone, and get the team working together to solve the problem. You decided to show off by disrespecting the drill instructor. Everything that you did, though leadership in style upon first reading, quickly translates into a trait that shows disrespect for higher authority, a tendency to not follow orders, a tendency to usurp leadership, and a devil may care attitude. I suggest that you change the slant of the essay to one of unification rather than divided till the end. Involve your leadership skills in a manner that shows respect for authority, the ability to create a secondary leadership role without disrespecting the first leader, and an ability to bring a team together, even when in the face of near disaster. That shows a true and selfless leadership trait.