Statement of purpose AMA+ K'art, Screenwriting

Hello, I will apply for AMA + Korea National University of Art scholarship, Film department majoring in Screenwriting. I made a statement of purpose with a different writing style. I want lots of opinions about this.

OPEN THE DOOR

If there is no door open for you, all you can do is open it by yourself. As long as we are alive, there will be millions of opportunities that we can try. No need to walk like other people's feet. Walk on your own feet.

That was the way of life that a girl lived. Her name is Melita Nurhasanah. She is 24 years old. Her hobbies are singing, dancing, and writing. But what she often do is pensive and fantasized about many things. She was born from a poor family. Her father works as a taxi driver and her mother is only a housewife. Since she was a kid , she was taught to be an independent person. If you want, you should try to get it by yourself. Although in her heart, she wants the same thing as other children. She understood how to put her position. She is always determined, will get what she never got with her hard work. Without burdening both of her parents.

From childhood to adulthood, the girl was known as a cheerful, passionate, confident, hardworking, and disciplined girl. According to people who knew her, the girl has a different mind from her peers. She always wants to be the best for herself in the way she wants, not to follow the path that his friends choose. She has a fairly broad friendship. She can make a lot of relations with people who are very influential with the path that is being chosen.

Let's talk about when she was in elementary school. If you remember vaguely, this girl had very good grades. Always on the top. She was also active in school activities such as Scouts. Being chosen as a core group of scouts and being the head of a group was an extraordinary experience. Won several scout competitions. Since that time, she could see the world wider.

Junior High School, same as elementary school. Not much had changed. She could maintain excellent grades. The final score was good. If i remember the final score for science was 98. The score was almost perfect. She also participated in the Student Organization (OSIS) and Scout extracurricular activities for the core group. During this time, she got a computer prize. Since the presence of computers in her home, she began writing many short stories and poems. Some of the stories were published in a magazine. Since then, she has occupied the world of writing.

Vocation High School, Department of Marketing. Initially, this girl did not want to go to a vocational school. She wants to go to an ordinary high school to pursue Indonesian literature. She must follow the decisions that made by her parents with consideration of the continuation of the future after graduation. Her parents hope that she could immediately work after graduation. Help the family economy. At the beginning of the semester, the girl was quite difficult to adapting to the lessons that were followed. Until the next semester, she began to be able to improve her grades and got a high ranking. She got a scholarship from the company his father worked for. Join Student Organizations (OSIS) and become part of members who take care of all things about art. In the second year, she joined a writing competition organized by print media. Get 1st place for the School Vocation category. Unfortunately, because the High School and Highschool Vocation points were so different, she had to receive a certificate that says Champion Hope 1. That does not discourage her. She was proud when two of her works were able to be published in one column of the daily newspaper. And the victory made her increasingly led to becoming a writer.

After graduating from school, her parents hoped she went straight to work. Worked in the retail world for 5 years and became a bank administration for 1 year and 7 months. Many interesting things that she learned from her jobs. Many suggestions she received for her future. Not much is too special. She stopped working in 2018. She focused on learning two languages and working freelance as a tour guide.

The girl loved watching movies. When she was 5 years old, there was a musical adventure movie with a girl and her best friend that fascinated her. The movie was very popular among children. From there, the movie influenced her. She likes singing and dancing. As she grew up, many movies from various countries that she had seen. She never felt disappointed. There is always something magical that she feels from a film. She can feel sad, upset, angry, laughing, and feeling confused. The movie has an extraordinary emotional regulator. Behind all this, there is a screenwriter who plays an important role in making the film a major influence on life. The girl wants to become a screenwriter. Being a film, something that can inspire and have a lot of positive effects. Make films that follow global developments. Making the film a good educational intermediary for yourself and the world. She wants anyone who sees his work to be able to continue to be remembered, to become a work that can influence the way people think and think. Many messages can always be inserted into a story.

Many people asking, why at this time she pursued her dream. The journey to achieve her dream is not easy. She must fight against family circumstances. Many doors she has opened. There are two countries that she is headed to. Countries that have great film development according to her. The two countries are Japan and South Korea. The girl studied these countries' language for quite long time. The first time she opened the door for a scholarship to Japan. A bit of bad luck, she failed many times.

Last year she focused on where the door she opened. The next door is towards South Korea. The girl was very familiar with the development of film in South Korea. She watched various films or dramas from South Korea for a long time. Now South Korean cinema can compete in the international world. South Korean films or dramas are worldwide. In Indonesia, Korean movies or dramas are very popular. Not only because actors or actresses play a role in it. But also because stories are always unique and creative. And every emotion that can always affect many viewers. The girl has set her goals to Korea National University of art or K'art. K'art is the No. 1 art university in South Korea and No. 38 in the World. K'art has produced many of the best artists. She has a very competent professor who has formed many artists and produced many works. The girl wants to learn to make films with sensitivity and creative and artistic abilities. And able to compete with a rapidly developing world.

Now she hopes that the door she is currently trying to open can accept it. Being able to give her a big challenge and able to carry her to higher stairs to achieve her dreams.

She will not only work hard, but she will also bring innovations.

This is a very interesting take on a statement of purpose. Unfortunately, the creative presentation that you used is wasted on the target of the essay, which is a personal point of view in relation to the your purpose for studies. The reviewer requires the student to show the maximum drive and ambition that drives the purpose of your studies from the career level. The statement of purpose, as far as I can tell, and not knowing the prompt discussion guidelines seems to be over informative. You actually combined the personal statement and statement of purpose in one presentation. As far as I know, a statement of purpose does not include a backgrounder of this magnitude.

I would advise you to revise the essay by using the first person point of view in the presentation. That way you can truly attach yourself to the discussion. Don't be an outsider looking in when presenting the information. The essay actually lost the sense of emotion, importance, and relevance because of the detached method of presentation. Though interesting to read, it doesn't allow the reviewer to connect with you on a personal level. Since this is a written interview, the sense of honesty, relevance, and a connection with the reviewer is imperative for the consideration of your purpose.

Don't be too creative in your presentation. Be straightforward. The reviewer will have to read at least 50 applications in one day. He normally allots about 5 minutes per essay. It has to be easy to scan for relevant information. He will only pick out the highlights in your presentation to take note of in comparison to other applicant essays. In this case, it is extremely difficult to do that.

In my view, your essay is too informative, which is difficult for the reviewer to get into your story. My advice is try to use more compound sentences and formal writing language in order to be prompt and professional.

Story-telling is the key to attract the readers. However, your story must be concise and impactful even if it is interesting. The scholarship committees will read a hundred of essays, therefore, resepct your reviewer's time is the key to succeed.

Best of luck!