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statement of purpose for art schools (your personal vision)


gouaoulde 2 / 3  
Jan 28, 2010   #1
Hello, I would like to get help on the grammar mistakes, sentence structures and all that

Thanks in advance!

Your Statement of Purpose helps us find out more about your personal vision; Please tell us what your work is about.

I have very little knowledge and experience for art, but what I have now is only passion. I have mainly done paintings and drawings but during the process of the portfolio, I decided to take the risk to experiment with different types of media. I believe that it would be a good opportunity to create more diverse art works, and throughout the process, I can identify which ones I like or do not like.

My art works focused mainly on the human figures. I used to avoid on that part when drawing because they were difficult and never was satisfied in doing so. To work on my weakness, I purposely tackled this particular subject. "Practice makes perfect", I practiced drawing faces and bodies on my sketchbook until they looked real. Also, I admire the works of Auguste Rodin. His sculptures were so fascinating, full of expression and life, his works were my inspiration.

Art is spontaneous, don't always try to plan everything, let your mind flow naturally. My art teacher handed me a bunch of materials, without any other instructions, told me to create something. At first I was confused, I had no plans, no directions to go to, no concept. However, I started doing something, and in my mind, kept thinking what would be best to do while working. Instead of me working on the art, it turned the other way around.

kiwi90 8 / 21  
Jan 29, 2010   #2
Hello,
this is your explanation about your portfolio, right? I don't know how it relates to your personal vision, though... anyway, below are some corrections I made for your mistakes.

Btw, I don't suggest saying "very little knowledge and experience for art..." at least omit "very". Maybe you could say "modest" knowledge?

I have very little knowledge and experience for art ;but what I have now is only passion.
I have mainly done paintings and drawings but during the process of the portfoliowhile I was working on the portfolio , I decided to take thea risk to experiment with different types of media. I believebelieved that it would be a good opportunity to create more diverse art works, and throughout the process, I cancould identify which ones I like or do not like.liked or did not like.

My art works focused mainly on the human figures. I used to avoid on that part when drawing (on what part? if you are trying to say that you used to avoid drawing human figures, it's better to say I used to avoid drawing human figures ) because they were difficult and I never was satisfied in doing sodrawing them . To work on my weakness, I purposely tackled this particular subject. "Practice makes perfect", I practiced drawing faces and bodies on my sketchbook until they looked real. Also, I admired the works of Auguste Rodin. His sculptures were so fascinating, full of expression and life, and his works became my inspiration.

Art is spontaneous, don't always try to plan everything, let your mind flow naturally. (I am not sure about your sudden use of imperatives here...perhaps it would be better to maintain your first person point of view using "I?") My art teacher handed me a bunch of materials, and, without any other instructions, told me to create something. At first I was confused. I had no plans, no directions to go to, and no concept. However, I started doing something, and in my mind, kept thinking what would be best to do while working. Instead of me working on the art, it turned the other way around.

That's as far as I could do. Hope this helped! Good luck.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 29, 2010   #3
I think you should end that first paragraph with a statement that tells your "purpose." It should end with a sentence that succinctly explains your plan for the future and how it involves this school. When the reader gets to the end of that first para, let her or him know what you are all about by telling them not only that you are "taking a risk" but also what you feel certain about. Can you add to that first paragraph a sentence that will be memorable for the reader and make her understand how this school fits into your life plan?

SooLim Jeong made great suggestions! For one of them, I would fix it this way:
Art is spontaneous; artists don't always try to plan everything, and instead choose to let the mind flow naturally.

Try switching the first and last paragraph, so that the last paragraph becomes the first! :-)


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