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UC Personal Statement; being an engineer would be the perfect career for me



rxcalloway 1 / 2  
Nov 28, 2012   #1
Prompt: Describe the world you come from- for example, your family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Please tell me what you think.

I remember walking home after getting off the school bus one day. Just three blocks and I'm there, but I look across the street and see a group of five guys, all with tattoos of gang affiliation. One pointed at me and they all looked on as I continued walking. I fit the criteria for their rivals: male and black. I remember the fear I felt as I walked faster and faster. I remember the relief I felt when I finally reached my home. Unfortunately this is a normal day in Pacoima, California where I grew up. Police sirens and gunshots are the normal sounds you hear as you go to sleep; however, thanks to my mother, I never became associated with any of the neighborhood mischief.

Ah my mother, the most extraordinary person in my life. I can't fathom how she managed to raise me and my two sisters by herself. I wouldn't be where I am today without her and I appreciate her sacrifice everyday. She always kept me and my sisters in top rated public schools despite our location, and being a teacher herself, always stressed academic excellence. Her hard work has paid off considering both of my two older sisters are college graduates and one is working towards her Masters Degree in Social Work at UCLA. Seeing both of my sisters achieve their dreams makes me want to follow in their footsteps and achieve my goals.

When I first started school math immediately became my favorite subject. It fascinated me as I delved deeper into the math universe. When I took Algebra 1 I imagined math like a puzzle, just waiting to be solved. Even when I began to struggle with trigonometry, I still enjoyed reading the textbook trying to learn the chapter. Studying for math felt more like a leisure activity than a chore I had to do. I wanted my future career to require math. In addition to math, I was always intrigued with machines. When I experienced my first flight on an airplane I was in awe. Yes, flying was exciting, but my first question was "How?" I asked probing questions like "Why aren't we falling?" and "How do we move?" Besides planes, the mechanics of TVs and cars also intrigued me. With my love of math and my interest of how things work, I know that being an engineer would be the perfect career for me.

OP rxcalloway 1 / 2  
Nov 28, 2012   #2
any help would be greatly appreciated
hvnguyen1311 4 / 8  
Nov 29, 2012   #3
some corrections. hope it helps.

however, thanks to my mother, I never became associated with any of the neighborhood mischief.
She is the most extraordinary person in my life. I can't fathom how she managed to bring up me and my two sisters by herself. She always kept me and my sisters in top rated public schools despite our location; being a teacher, she always stressed academic excellence. Her hard work has paid off considering both of my two older sisters are college graduates and one is working towards her Masters Degree in Social Work at UCLA. Seeing both of my sisters achieving their dreams gives me strong motivations to achieve my goals.
OP rxcalloway 1 / 2  
Nov 29, 2012   #4
Thanks a lot for your advice


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