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Personal Statement! Engineering, "My Home" UC Prompt 1/Common App

Vic9871 1 / 2  
Dec 1, 2011   #1
Hello everyone, I was hoping that I could get my essay critiqued. I am using this as my UC Prompt 1 & Common App prompts.
The prompt reads:

"Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations"

"My entire life I have lived in the same three-bedroom home, with the deteriorating gray paint, and the heavy oak door. My house provides shelter for seven people, and sometimes life inside can get very hostile with the constant bickering over the lack of privacy. Spanish is the language that predominates inside these walls, and the amount of help that my parents could contribute towards my studies died out after the sixth grade. Nevertheless, it was in this same home that my father inadvertently nurtured my craving for learning, and transformed it into a dream of becoming an engineer.

As a child I always came home and found flaws that threatened the happiness of our family. Whether it was the broken washing machine, or the leaky roof, the house was always in need of repair. The constant imperfections brought gloominess over my family, but there was always a cure; my father's ability to repair our home. He would bring out a few tools from his pick-up truck, and in a matter of hours fix the problem. The sight of so many different colored wires, and different sized pipes bewildered me. I was always eager to sit along side my dad with a wrench in my hand, intentionally staining my shirt with grease to earn the honor of being the hero that solved all the problems.

As I grew older, my ignorance of the world around me began to fade. My home's imperfections were not the only thing that affected my family's happiness. Instead, it was the mailbox that had a profound impact. Our family felt the full blow of the recession when my mom was laid off work. Too many times we waited for the mailman, hoping he would bring the unemployment check a day earlier so that we could buy our needed groceries.

My father had always told me that education was the key to success and a better life. Yet, I always derived pleasure from helping my dad solve the problems in our home. In high school, I decided to join Mathematics Engineering Science Achievement, a club that not only thought of ways to repair technology, but also designed and built new equipment. Utilizing the skills I developed from helping my father, I was able to contribute to the problem solving and designing process. Over the next couple of years I designed and built mousetrap cars, gliders, and even programmed a robotic arm. Designing these projects was no easy task, but I loved the challenge.

The long and exciting hours repairing and rebuilding our home have inspired me to become an engineer. Whether designing a new military jet, or even a better feasible way to develop home appliances, I want to be part of the elite group of engineers that help mankind progress. I want to be the hero who solves all the problems, and eases the pain in the eyes of lower income families. "

Thanks (:
napt11 1 / 3  
Dec 1, 2011   #2
Hi, I really really like you're essay. I can picture the house and the atmosphere in it.
I think you really answered the prompt, do good job. :)
ahsan ali 2 / 6  
Dec 21, 2011   #3
hey your essay touched my heart. I read it about three times, loving it :)
I agreed that you really answered the prompt.
keep it up!
OP Vic9871 1 / 2  
Dec 21, 2011   #4
Thank you! (:

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