I challenge toy to condense the first paragraph into a singe sentence, and make it a sentence that gives all the same information. You should not use a whole paragraph to give information that could be given in a singe sentence.
I think you should write that first paragraph as a singe sentence, and then connect it to paragraph 2.
Cut this sentence:
Overcoming the struggles of not having a stable home has broadened my horizon.
Moving from place to place brought challenges making it hard for me to focus as a student from
elementary through middle...
Condense and refine. Forge the blade.
I intend to work in business management and eventually own my own ___________ (what kind of business?) business. College is my way of...