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Personal Statement- meaningful experience ("Antonio stung my heart")



4ever2bleed 9 / 28  
Sep 27, 2008   #1
Describe an activity, interest, experience, or achievement in your life (this could be a book, a movie, or an activity or experience at work, home, or school) that has been particularly meaningful for you.

Please be as blunt and honest. I dont think essay is really that good, I'm not even sure it answers the questions. Please help me make any corrections, and constructive criticism is really wanted.


Everybody has an experience that has been meaningful to them. These experiences are probably ones like when they broke their arm or something like that. Experiences like these probably caused agonizing pain that lasted for days. But mine is one that stung my heart and the pain still and always will be there. His name is Antonio, and he was a drug dealer. I knew him personally and know that he is intelligent; he was especially good in math. He was the most funniest and caring person I knew. He sold drugs because he needed to take care of him and his family. One day, a group of boys were trying to rob him. One of the boys pulled out a pocket knife. In self-defense, he picked up a rock and threw it at the boy. The boy did fell and never got back up. I was dumbfounded and speechless. It's amazing how something that happened so quick can drastically change one's life. He was another one lost to the game; a game that no one ever wins. There are many others like him. Many who are lost, but have potential to be more than what statistics tell them they can be. This experience has inspired me to help those like Antonio. I plan helping these kids by letting them know that they can make a difference in this world.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Sep 27, 2008   #2
You've got a unique premis here, but it could use some more personal details from you to really make it stand out. How has your life changed because of this event? What do you do differently now than before this incident?


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