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"CAN DO" ; Personal Statement/ Mechanical Engineering-SUNY Maritime



valdai 1 / -  
Jan 3, 2013   #1
Please Help with Personal Statement, Open Essay. 250 words max.
Thank you in advance.

When I arrived in the US I felt like a newborn who had to learn to adapt to the new environment and getting to know new people. I was challenged to step out of my comfort zone. And after my short period of adaptation I've joined the United States Navy Seabees. ( The word came from the first two letters of Construction Battalion CB).

"Can Do. With willing hearts and skillful hands; the difficult we do at once, the impossible takes a bit longer"
- Motto Of The United States Navy Seabees.

When I arrived in the US I felt like a newborn who had to learn everything from the beginning.

I was challenged to step out of my comfort zone. After a short period, I joined the United States Navy Seabees. The "Can Do" soon became my motto.

For a long time I've tried to decide what I want to be when I get older and the military helped me a lot. I had a chance to work with different people in different countries and learned how to be a good team player and a good leader.

In the military tech school I was an honor graduate with a score of 98%, which led to an accelerated promotion to the next rank.
As I grew up, I got inquisitive to know how the gadgets around me work. Most of the time, I would disassemble a device, just to have a look at its construction that's why I chose to be a Construction Mechanic for the Navy and during those days I fully realized my passion to know more about mechanics. I enjoy the process of fixing something and learning at the same time.

Now I have a chance to do both things I like: Become a Navy Officer and a Mechanical Engineer.

I believe that SUNY Maritime is an ideal place for me to study, because I'll be around people with the same interests.

Kitsumi 4 / 97  
Jan 4, 2013   #2
Most of the time, I would disassemble a device, just to have a look at its construction that's why I chose to be a Construction Mechanic for the Navy and during those days I fully realized my passion to know more about mechanics.

This sentence can be divided into 3 smaller ones.

When I arrived in the US I felt like a newborn who had to learn everything from the beginning.

I was challenged to step out of my comfort zone. After a short period, I joined the United States Navy Seabees. The "Can Do" soon became my motto.

These two can be combined into one paragraph.

because I'll be around

Again, no contractions.


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