Hey guys, the deadline is tomorrow to submit this so please tear this apart with critique, as much as you have time for please and I will give a like to anybody with some input. I really need somebody to critique/review/edit this before I turn it in, I know it's a personal essay but be as harsh as you want as long as it is advice. Thanks!
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
It was the last week of school during freshman year of high school, and I just found out that I got an A on my biology final, a class that I struggled with all year. I was filled with pride and joy, rushing to the front of the school eager to tell my mom. When I got there, my dad and sister were in the car instead. When I got in I asked, "Where's mom? I wanted to tell her I got an A on my biology final!" There was no comment. My dad started driving and still they said nothing. I finally asked, "What's wrong? Why are you guys being so weird?" They finally told me what was wrong. My mother had stage-two breast cancer, and at that moment happiness disappeared from my life.
Junior year we were informed that she would survive, yet that same year I was still diagnosed with clinical depression. At that point, I was living in bad faith. I was sad that I caused stress to my mother, I was sad that I did not have good grades, I was sad that I was scrawny even though I used to feel too chubby, and most of all I was sad that happiness was so scarce in my life. I didn't think things would ever get better, but the truth is if I never hit rock bottom, I would not have had the motivation that I've gained today. My psychologist was someone who could relate to me more than anybody else, but he taught me how to turn my sadness into motivation to improve on those areas of my life.
During most of high school I thought that the academic goals that my parents tried setting upon me were impossible, so I just tried my best and hoped that they would be proud enough. Now I set my own academic goals of getting 100% on tests and getting As in my classes, and I actually accomplish them, because it is worth it to put in work towards achieving my own goals and feel the pride that I get in return. Instead of being sad about the stress that I caused my mother, I talked to her until she understood that I was ready to be responsible for my own schoolwork and wanted her to stop worrying about it. I was unhappy with my body, so I decided to eat more, eat healthier, and workout frequently and I have stayed consistent because the pride that I get from not feeling scrawny anymore drives me to keep going. Overcoming depression has taught me to build my own path through life and has provided me with the confidence and motivation to achieve my goals.
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
It was the last week of school during freshman year of high school, and I just found out that I got an A on my biology final, a class that I struggled with all year. I was filled with pride and joy, rushing to the front of the school eager to tell my mom. When I got there, my dad and sister were in the car instead. When I got in I asked, "Where's mom? I wanted to tell her I got an A on my biology final!" There was no comment. My dad started driving and still they said nothing. I finally asked, "What's wrong? Why are you guys being so weird?" They finally told me what was wrong. My mother had stage-two breast cancer, and at that moment happiness disappeared from my life.
Junior year we were informed that she would survive, yet that same year I was still diagnosed with clinical depression. At that point, I was living in bad faith. I was sad that I caused stress to my mother, I was sad that I did not have good grades, I was sad that I was scrawny even though I used to feel too chubby, and most of all I was sad that happiness was so scarce in my life. I didn't think things would ever get better, but the truth is if I never hit rock bottom, I would not have had the motivation that I've gained today. My psychologist was someone who could relate to me more than anybody else, but he taught me how to turn my sadness into motivation to improve on those areas of my life.
During most of high school I thought that the academic goals that my parents tried setting upon me were impossible, so I just tried my best and hoped that they would be proud enough. Now I set my own academic goals of getting 100% on tests and getting As in my classes, and I actually accomplish them, because it is worth it to put in work towards achieving my own goals and feel the pride that I get in return. Instead of being sad about the stress that I caused my mother, I talked to her until she understood that I was ready to be responsible for my own schoolwork and wanted her to stop worrying about it. I was unhappy with my body, so I decided to eat more, eat healthier, and workout frequently and I have stayed consistent because the pride that I get from not feeling scrawny anymore drives me to keep going. Overcoming depression has taught me to build my own path through life and has provided me with the confidence and motivation to achieve my goals.
