Just another personal statement essay, for Georgetown University. Feedback appreciated sooner rather than later.
"As Georgetown is a diverse community, the Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you."
I used to spend a lot of time wondering what exactly my personality is. I often wondered where to start with this problem. It seemed that whenever I thought of some trait I had, there were situations where I had performed an opposite action. I think this happens to most people when they are in middle school and the first years of high school. At this age, you probably haven't lived through enough experiences to really know the difference between your core personality and your outer tendencies. It takes time to start to understand what makes you different from others.
Eventually, I started to see a glimpse of the sort of activity which my life revolves around. Getting typed as an ESTP alerted me to another facet of myself: "thrill-seeking." At first I wondered if this made sense. It seemed like a trait that was incompatible with my dedication to rational decision-making. But slowly, it all came together. It took me a while to realize that it had manifested itself in minor actions which I didn't think much about. Looking back, I remember minor stunts like walking 23 miles from my home to the beach on a whim, searching for study-abroad programs in strange and unusual places, and planning a career as an Army officer. I noticed the part of me that wants to own a motorcycle, scrawls sarcastic political slogans on my history teacher's whiteboard, listens to indie rock, and can find the humor in almost any situation.
One of the men I met through martial arts gave me the chance to have the experience which probably best highlights this side of myself. I was certainly privileged that I knew someone who could take me to a shooting range and show me how to safely operate and fire guns. I jumped at the chance, but not without a little trepidation. I knew I would be safe if I did everything properly; it was just that I had never fired a gun before. I probably stood still for a minute facing downrange, gripping the handle tightly, before mustering up the courage to pull the trigger on that little pocket pistol. After that, I found that the recoil was not a big deal at all and started having the time of life knocking down targets, and turned out to actually be pretty good at it considering that it was the first time I'd tried such a thing.
It was a thrilling, self-actualizing experience. I knew for sure that this was the kind of activity which would define my life. With this in mind, I started to consciously recognize the things which made my life enjoyable. These revelations came during a heady time. I was in the aftermath of a sudden emotional crisis late in my junior year--the only semester I got a grade lower than a B--and I was frustrated because I felt like I was in an academically and socially limiting environment. But I could feel the juices of strength and confidence flowing through my veins, and it came at just the right time. I've found the truly effective self that I am: fully rational, and a hedonist; but that term has such an unfair connotation!
My concerns:
-The last eleven words; do they work well?
-Does the essay make me look like someone not particularly concerned about academics?
-Would it be okay to write "limerent" instead of "emotional " or is that venturing into taboo territory? :/
Thanks in advance.
"As Georgetown is a diverse community, the Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either personal or creative, which you feel best describes you."
I used to spend a lot of time wondering what exactly my personality is. I often wondered where to start with this problem. It seemed that whenever I thought of some trait I had, there were situations where I had performed an opposite action. I think this happens to most people when they are in middle school and the first years of high school. At this age, you probably haven't lived through enough experiences to really know the difference between your core personality and your outer tendencies. It takes time to start to understand what makes you different from others.
Eventually, I started to see a glimpse of the sort of activity which my life revolves around. Getting typed as an ESTP alerted me to another facet of myself: "thrill-seeking." At first I wondered if this made sense. It seemed like a trait that was incompatible with my dedication to rational decision-making. But slowly, it all came together. It took me a while to realize that it had manifested itself in minor actions which I didn't think much about. Looking back, I remember minor stunts like walking 23 miles from my home to the beach on a whim, searching for study-abroad programs in strange and unusual places, and planning a career as an Army officer. I noticed the part of me that wants to own a motorcycle, scrawls sarcastic political slogans on my history teacher's whiteboard, listens to indie rock, and can find the humor in almost any situation.
One of the men I met through martial arts gave me the chance to have the experience which probably best highlights this side of myself. I was certainly privileged that I knew someone who could take me to a shooting range and show me how to safely operate and fire guns. I jumped at the chance, but not without a little trepidation. I knew I would be safe if I did everything properly; it was just that I had never fired a gun before. I probably stood still for a minute facing downrange, gripping the handle tightly, before mustering up the courage to pull the trigger on that little pocket pistol. After that, I found that the recoil was not a big deal at all and started having the time of life knocking down targets, and turned out to actually be pretty good at it considering that it was the first time I'd tried such a thing.
It was a thrilling, self-actualizing experience. I knew for sure that this was the kind of activity which would define my life. With this in mind, I started to consciously recognize the things which made my life enjoyable. These revelations came during a heady time. I was in the aftermath of a sudden emotional crisis late in my junior year--the only semester I got a grade lower than a B--and I was frustrated because I felt like I was in an academically and socially limiting environment. But I could feel the juices of strength and confidence flowing through my veins, and it came at just the right time. I've found the truly effective self that I am: fully rational, and a hedonist; but that term has such an unfair connotation!
My concerns:
-The last eleven words; do they work well?
-Does the essay make me look like someone not particularly concerned about academics?
-Would it be okay to write "limerent" instead of "emotional " or is that venturing into taboo territory? :/
Thanks in advance.