Statement Of Purpose for SCAD for undergraduate degree in Industrial Design

Please help me to get admission and scholarship

Dear Sir/Madam
My name is Mohammad, I'm from Iran, I studied Illustration Computer in Secondary School, I born in 16 September 1989 and I really love Industrial Design, I do not know how explain my passion for you maybe it's better I come back to past, when for first time I hear about this major, It's back to when I was a freshman in high school, I had a teacher in there and he studied Industrial Design, when he saw I have passion for create things in many ways he spoke with me and tell me about it, until that's time I think for create new product, for invention, for introduce a new object to the world I should study Mechanics, Chemistry, Physics, Electronic and some major like this majors together, so I was confuse about my way to the future and I just saw darkness, but when I met with Industrial Design I saw lights in my future, a major for create new things, a major for help people with my passion, so I tried to study this major in the best place, first I start research about the universities in my country and then their education system and equipment but I just saw they have name of the classes and studios, most of the teachers have not enough information about it and also most of them have not experience and don't know how we can make products, so I tried to go another country but for some problem I didn't go so I went to the Islamic Azad University in Tehran( First year in their second Branch in Shahr-e-Rey and then I went to Central Branch) but unfortunately I saw my research was true so now I applied for Savannah College of Art and Design, your university, because you have best education system, equipment and lecturer for my goal, I don't want my teachers jobs in Iran for my future , I want be a designer not a teacher, I want introduce new products to the world, and I know I can do that if I have a good help, if I study in a real university, if I have good teachers, because my mind can't stop and always works, also I participate in some awards, national and international competition, I won third place in a national competition and in most of the international competition I went to the finals but unfortunately I didn't win, I believe if I could go their also it was possible I win if I had enough information for design better, also I tried to produce some product but for some reason like international block and then economic problem I could not do that, since factories prefer to produce the copies and some factories just accept you if you are old or famous, so there isn't any chance for some person like me. So I need SCAD to learn me how I can win in awards and markets.

So I need study in SCAD, your college is the best way for me to a future I want it, I search between many top rank university in Industrial Design because I want the best thinks for myself, and your college is the best for me, one of the main reason for me is your way to present this major, you keep all of the faces of this major together not like some university just learn a face of industrial design like transportation or product design, you present both side of them together, I really thinks this is the best way for study industrial design and if you give me this chance you actually give me a clear future, you help me made my future, I can't explain my passion with words, so I just want say I believe every think can be happened and we can build everything we imagine if we find our way, our truly way, and I believe I find my way and in this way I need study in Savannah College of Art and Design.

Best,
Mohammad

My name is Mohammad, I was born and raised in Iran. Umm I can't think any correlation of Illustration Computer with the whole of the essay (what is illustration computer anyway? Did you mean graphic design?).


Then new para.



Owww I feel this is too harsh. Being a teacher is not bad but the point is, you look like you are looking down to teachers! Try something like: I want more. I do not want to be an ordinary human being. I want to contribute to the society with my knowledge and passion by doing something I love; I want to be a designer

.


What award? What competitions? Not too clear.


Therefore, I believe that SCAD would be the best place for me to learn and improve myself further.


Too demanding. Use more polite words.


In conclusion:
Your first paragraph is way TOO LONG. Also, too many COMMAS. Break your long sentences into short ones, and if possible, kindly separate them into two or more paragraphs. That will make your essay easier to read.

Instead of telling the whole story of your past, choose just one memorable moment that is related with the major you want to pursue and emphasize it. It's best to go into details instead of just going in the surface.

I wish you luck with your application.

Thanks for your help
illustration computer is like graphic design but it's just with computer not hands so in Iran they call it illustration computer or graphic computer