PERSONAL STATEMENT FOR USEFP SEMESTER EXCHANGE PROGRAM

I'm applying for a US semester exchange program. These are the guidelines for personal statement essay:
1. yourself in terms of interests and personality
2. academic objectives
3. goals in terms of field of study and personal development
4. Reasons you wish to pursue them in USA & the type of program you hope to pursue and how it relates to your interests and future objectives

Here's what I've written. I would be thankful if anyone proof-reads it for me to check for grammatical mistakes, or anything else that seems out-of-place or needs to be added.

I'm not sure if I've discussed point 4 in detail. The essay is also supposed to provide guideline for placement committee (if selected).

Studying from a Christian school has allowed me to meet people with diverse backgrounds from a very young age. It has taught me to embrace diversity and to respect others' perspectives and opinions. Knowing about different people and sharing life experiences also fascinates me. Solving puzzles and playing brain teasing games which enable me to challenge and redefine my thinking capabilities is one of my hobbies and it also contributes in developing skills like logical thinking, quick decision making and problem solving, which are highly valued in fields like software engineering.

The world of technology has always intrigued me. Studying software engineering was my childhood dream. It is the field where my devotion and passion resides. I wish to learn the latest software development tools and skills from best possible resources.

My goal is to use my skills to be a positive influence on society. I wish to contribute in technological development of Pakistan. One of the projects I've visualized is to develop an Artificial Intelligence based voice interface for visually impaired people, to make using smartphones, computers and others electronic gadgets convenient and user friendly.

USA is the 3rd fastest growing technological country and is known for its world class academia. To get an opportunity to travel and study a semester in USA will not only be highly beneficial in academic point of view, but representing Pakistan and learning the American values will further improve my self-confidence and will help broadening my perspective of the world.

Afreen, the reality of your essay is that it is severely under developed in terms of responding to the 4 points indicated. I am not getting a real feel of your personality in terms of interests and personal development. You need to offer a more intricate representation of yourself on paper. When you speak of your interests and personal development , the first thing you have to present would be information regarding non-academic activities. This aspect of your personality should delve on the civic aspect of your life. Any volunteer activities and hobbies that you enjoy doing would fall under this category because these are the methods by which you develop your personality, intellect, and moral values. All of which are topics that fall under personal development. The discuss your personal development goals in relation to your interest and personal development within this paragraph as these are inter-related discussions.

Your academic objectives should represent a well rounded intention for your learning during the semester exchange program. So that means that you should discuss the methods by which you hope to use your academic time to learn as much as you can during the program. These could include discussions of internships, campus based organizations / clubs that will promote an exchange of learning and ideas in the field of your interest, and any other possible learning activities offered by the school. Your academic objectives are so limited at the moment that it is almost non-existent in the essay. Needless to say, your academic goals should be well represented within this paragraph as well. It is important that you always create a continuity between your past and present academic achievements, with your plans for your future. After all, without the discussion of your past, it will be difficult to understand why you wish to follow a specific future path.

The reasons that you decided to pursue these goals in the US are quite flimsy at this point. It is simplistic in presentation and ideology. You need to develop a better line of reasoning for this paragraph as right now, your reasons presented are elementary at best and unimpressive. Try to look into your desired program a bit deeper. Some research may be involved on your part in terms of being able to better portray your program of study in relation to your plans for Pakistan and your bottom line reason for wishing to pursue this line of study.

Overall, the essay is a good draft. It is composed only of place holders that tell you at what point to discuss particular topics specified by your prompts. It does not deliver in terms of information and requires you to expand your discussion in order to create a more relevant and informative essay based upon the prompt requirements.