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UC personal statements 1 and 2 (transfer student, anthropology)



kaylearner 1 / 2  
Nov 24, 2008   #1
I'm hoping to get into UC Berkeley, so these essays have to be top notch but I've been staring at them too long to do much good on my own at this point. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Prompt #1
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed. Describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities. What have you gained from your involvement?


When I started my first semester at the Santa Rosa Junior College, I hardly knew what anthropology was, much less how much it would come to mean to me. I was taking a physical anthropology class because my mother had great things to say about the professor teaching it and, true to her word, he had my full attention and interest from day one. In fact, I absolutely loved the class. It wasn't until my second semester however, when I was taking Cultural Anthropology and Native American Art and Culture, that I knew anthropology was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

I remember the exact moment the realization hit me. My cultural anthropology class was studying linguistics and the professor had just finished explaining the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis, which states that language shapes culture, thought, and therefore worldview. I was blown away. This hypothesis had so clearly phrased a way I could experience what I most wanted: Seeing the world from an entirely new perspective. Most people are confined to one, maybe two, ways of perceiving the world, but here was an open door! Anthropology would allow me to experience new diverse realities, whether by learning unfamiliar languages, studying different cultures, or simply traveling the world. As I got further in to my studies, my enthusiasm and appreciation for anthropology only grew because I realized that I could also spread understanding and affirmation of diversity, which is much needed in these troubling times. Now I am more excited than ever to further my education and dig deeper into the studies of humans.

As much as I have wanted to get some experience in the field, it has been very difficult to find such an opportunity. Instead I have filled my time with as many anthropology courses as I could. While all of these classes have been wonderful learning experiences, I most enjoyed Cultural Anthropology and Physical Anthropology with its corresponding practical lab. In my experience, nothing beats holding a hominid bone, analyzing its characteristics, and discussing the physical and cultural ramifications of said traits. Nothing except maybe thinking up ideas as to the biological origins of complex human behaviors, like spiritual belief, taboos, or kinship patterns. Exploring these many facets of anthropology never ceases to keep me interested and engaged.

One of the best parts about taking a multitude of classes related to my major is that I get to hear so many different views and opinions on the course material. Not only are there many wonderful freethinking professors, but most students also have intelligent and unique ideas to contribute. By taking in all these diverse views my mind has been opened wider than ever before. The way I see it, learning to truly appreciate so many opinions is a way of practicing anthropology, and as a result, I love doing so.

Through my experiences in my anthropology classes and my own independent explorations of the subject, I have gained a deeper appreciation for the wonderful differences between humans, in both form and culture. I have learned that anthropologists can make a profound difference in the world and how much I truly want to be a part of that. Tolerance is simply not enough in this day and age. Instead, I will help spread love and celebration for the diversity of human life, and I will do so as an anthropologist.

Prompt #2
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?


"Why do people have eyelashes?"
"How much would I weigh on the moon?"
"What do howler monkeys sound like?"
The questions likely seemed endless to my parents when we made the regular hour-long treks to visit family in Oakland, California. I, however, never got tired of quizzing them with any brief curiosity that popped into my young head. I absolutely loved learning the why's and how's of the world. Maybe after a certain age I would have been expected to outgrow my insatiable curiosity, but instead I only asked more complex questions. Now I wanted to know the why's and how's of world cultures, evolution, and the universe. So while I asked about Pomo societies, Homo sapiens predecessors, and black holes, I was feeding a black hole of my own-and my inquisitive nature grew.

To put it simply, I love learning. It is rare to find a topic I have no interest in. I can feel my horizons widening when I learn how stars are born or why Neanderthals are prognathic and it is a very exciting feeling. I think my life would be rather dull if I was not driven to understand the mechanisms of the universe.

In the past, curiosity was often labeled perilous and deplorable, but I don't think that could be any less wrong. Being curious and asking questions has only opened doors for me; doors to ideas, facts, and knowledge I never even knew existed. Without my inquisitive nature I would not have achieved nearly the academic success I have. I am very happy with my achievements, and indeed grateful for my desire to know and understand.

I feel tremendously proud to have such a questioning mind because I think we, as humans, must question anything and everything to make progress. Today's inquiries may simply expand upon personal knowledge, but perhaps tomorrow there will be a question that sparks the discovery of a decade. It is incredibly important to treasure a quality capable of such great things.

Whether or not my curiosity results in simple comprehension or a shift in paradigms, I think I have been given a quite a gift. It has made me an avid reader and an eager life-long learner. I delight in informal debates with family and friends because it lets me see the world from a new and slightly different perspective, and my desire for knowledge and understanding certainly can be nothing but beneficial for my chosen major and career in anthropology. Best of all, my inquisitive nature has allowed me to develop a vigorous and zealous mind that never ceases to thrives off of new knowledge.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 25, 2008   #2
Good afternoon :)

I have edited the first paragraphs of each prompt and included some general comments as well:

"When I started my first semester at the Santa Rosa Junior College, I hardly knew what anthropology was, much less how much it would come to mean to me. I was taking a physical anthropology class because my mother had great things to say about the professor teaching it and, true to her word, he had my full attention and interest from day one. In fact, I absolutely loved the class. It wasn'tAvoid contractions in formal academic writing; this should be "was not." until my second semester however, when I was taking Cultural Anthropology and Native American Art and CultureThese are neither proper nouns nor the first words of sentences, so none of them should be capitalized. , that I knew anthropology was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life."

"These questions likely seemed endless to my parents when we made the regular hour-long treks to visit family in Oakland, California. I, however, never got tired of quizzing them with any brief curiosity that popped into my young head. I absolutely loved learning the why's and how's of the world. Maybe after a certain age I would have been expected to outgrow my insatiable curiosity, but instead I only asked more complex questions. Now I wanted to know the why's and how's of world cultures, evolution, and the universe. SoAvoid beginning your sentences with conjunctive/transitory words like "but," "so," or "and." while I asked about Pomo societies, Homo sapiens predecessors, and black holes, I was feeding a black hole of my own-and my inquisitive nature grew."

In regards to content, I think both of these pieces answer their perspective prompts well. They are easy to read and have great tone. Nice work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
OP kaylearner 1 / 2  
Nov 25, 2008   #3
Gloria,
Thank you so much! I will correct those mistakes. I'm glad you think the essays are easy to read, because I've been working on them so long they don't even seem legible anymore.

-Kaya
EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 25, 2008   #4
:)

That does happen, doesn't it!
hmirza 2 / 15  
Nov 25, 2008   #5
well i hope you get into UCB because these are well written. they're clear and direct.
in prompt 1 you show good understanding of the field and your passion is clear.
prompt 2 is very interesting to me because i talk about curiosity as well. i just added my prompts please read them and let me know what you think. i think your input will be super helpful.

in any case good luck!
hmirza 2 / 15  
Nov 26, 2008   #6
HEY!
do you mind giving me some more feedback on my new prompts? i changed my first one a lot cause it was drifting off topic. you're advice is awesome so i find myself coming back here haha :$

thanks!
EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 27, 2008   #7
Sure; post them here and I'll take a look at them!


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