Please point out my mistakes so that I can improve my sop
statement of purpose essay
Stepping into the gates reminded me of the past. Being the first person or girl in my family to enter a university was an achievement. Although it may seem to people that what I have achieved today might be an overnight success or some miracle. However, the reality is far crueler than anyone can visualize. Many hopes have pushed me to come this far in my journey. I have a determined and diligent personality that motivates me to strive for improved outcomes with every effort.
My curiosity about what lies beyond this blue sky led me to choose physics as my major. Moreover, I'm also a researcher in the Air Astronomical Society and enjoy conducting laboratory experiments. I published an article with a fellow researcher about the universe's ultimate fate. Moreover, I completed the WWF Pakistan Eco Internship program in August 2017, dedicating 18 hours to community service. It gave me valuable experience in environmental conservation and sustainability.
In the future, I aspire to become a physicist and delve into the field of astrophysics, as well. However, due to Pakistan's inadequate assets, achieving this goal might not appear plausible at the present moment. That is why a semester exchange program like this would allow me to broaden my knowledge and work with other like-minded people.
I hope to expose Pakistan's rich culture on an international platform, allowing people to experience its beauty. Furthermore, it offers me the chance to acquire knowledge regarding the richness of various cultures.
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Focus on developing paragraph 3. That is where you purpose seems to lie, but seems unexplored for the most part. Build on that discussion. Use the paragraph as your new opening and then add on to that information. Focus on explaining your career target. Be as detailed as you can. Where you are at your career point now, where you hope to be, then expand on how the exchange program will help change all of the problems you are currently facing. It appears that you are just focusing on the wrong aspects at this point so you missed out on properly developing the most important parts. There is time to edit the essay to become more relevant as a response to the reviewer.