Hi, i'm new here and i need a review for my personal statement for the university of san francisco. please give some feedbacks! :) (grammars, content, etc)
Thank u for any helps! it will be appreciated!
Q: Please compose a one or two page essay about yourself that tells us how you will help the University to carry out its mission:
To promote learning in the Jesuit Catholic tradition so that students acquire the knowledge, skills, values and sensitivities they need to succeed as persons, professionals and architects of a more humane and just world.
The core mission of the University is to promote learning in the Jesuit Catholic tradition. The University offers undergraduate, graduate and professional students the knowledge and skills needed to succeed as persons and professionals, and the values and sensitivity necessary to be men and women for others.
Inspired by a story about Jesus during the Sunday school at a local church to love other people and to help them, I've always wanted to be useful for the society since I was a child. Since then, I wanted to be a scientist, so that I could invent medicines to treat people. As I grow older, I decided that I want to major in Food Science, hoping that one day I could create healthier foods and that are easier to be produced to help starving people in Africa. However, I didn't do well in my chemistry classes in college even though I forced myself to struggle in my chemistry classes. I prayed to God to help me in my study, and although He told me that He wants me pursue my education in business instead of sciences, I was too stubborn to change major. I kept continuing on my science class before I finally gave my way up and decided to follow His plan. I decided to change major into a business major, specifically in marketing concentration.
Although I first decided to major in food science, I am not without a business background. My father owns a Japanese restaurant and he used to take me to his office every Saturday as I routinely watched him working through papers, attending meetings, and discussing issues with his business partner. As a child, I had no idea about any of these things, and why it had to be done, but as I grow older, I learn a lot of things and understand how he has been managing, marketing and expanding his Japanese restaurant from a traditional restaurant into a high-end restaurant. Marketing holds a crucial part in a restaurant, it is important to know what kinds of food to be sold, at what price, and to which groups of people.
Focusing on my dream to help the society, I plan on opening a foundation that will provide foods and clothes for those who need. The funding in my foundation will mainly be from the profits of the restaurant my father will left for me, which I will expand by opening several branches that sell different kinds of food for different people. Using the knowledge and skills of marketing that I will gain in USF, I believe that I will be able to successfully expand my own restaurants. Then, I will be able to open a foundation which main focus is to feed the hungry. Just as He promises us to provide what we need, including food and clothes (Matthew 6:31-21,) I want to show His promise to other people by giving those who can't afford to buy foods and clothes in this present day. I want God to use me, and I want to show His love to other people.
I believe that USF will be able to help me to achieve my future dream, and I also believe that God will guide and keep inspiring me in my future life. Through learning in USF, I will gain understandings of how to apply my study in the real world. My major in marketing will be very helpful for me to develop my restaurants and my foundation. I envision my foundation to be a representative of the value in learning in Jesuit Catholic tradition, using the knowledge, skills and values gained in the learning process to be someone who cares for others.
Thank u for any helps! it will be appreciated!
Q: Please compose a one or two page essay about yourself that tells us how you will help the University to carry out its mission:
To promote learning in the Jesuit Catholic tradition so that students acquire the knowledge, skills, values and sensitivities they need to succeed as persons, professionals and architects of a more humane and just world.
The core mission of the University is to promote learning in the Jesuit Catholic tradition. The University offers undergraduate, graduate and professional students the knowledge and skills needed to succeed as persons and professionals, and the values and sensitivity necessary to be men and women for others.
Inspired by a story about Jesus during the Sunday school at a local church to love other people and to help them, I've always wanted to be useful for the society since I was a child. Since then, I wanted to be a scientist, so that I could invent medicines to treat people. As I grow older, I decided that I want to major in Food Science, hoping that one day I could create healthier foods and that are easier to be produced to help starving people in Africa. However, I didn't do well in my chemistry classes in college even though I forced myself to struggle in my chemistry classes. I prayed to God to help me in my study, and although He told me that He wants me pursue my education in business instead of sciences, I was too stubborn to change major. I kept continuing on my science class before I finally gave my way up and decided to follow His plan. I decided to change major into a business major, specifically in marketing concentration.
Although I first decided to major in food science, I am not without a business background. My father owns a Japanese restaurant and he used to take me to his office every Saturday as I routinely watched him working through papers, attending meetings, and discussing issues with his business partner. As a child, I had no idea about any of these things, and why it had to be done, but as I grow older, I learn a lot of things and understand how he has been managing, marketing and expanding his Japanese restaurant from a traditional restaurant into a high-end restaurant. Marketing holds a crucial part in a restaurant, it is important to know what kinds of food to be sold, at what price, and to which groups of people.
Focusing on my dream to help the society, I plan on opening a foundation that will provide foods and clothes for those who need. The funding in my foundation will mainly be from the profits of the restaurant my father will left for me, which I will expand by opening several branches that sell different kinds of food for different people. Using the knowledge and skills of marketing that I will gain in USF, I believe that I will be able to successfully expand my own restaurants. Then, I will be able to open a foundation which main focus is to feed the hungry. Just as He promises us to provide what we need, including food and clothes (Matthew 6:31-21,) I want to show His promise to other people by giving those who can't afford to buy foods and clothes in this present day. I want God to use me, and I want to show His love to other people.
I believe that USF will be able to help me to achieve my future dream, and I also believe that God will guide and keep inspiring me in my future life. Through learning in USF, I will gain understandings of how to apply my study in the real world. My major in marketing will be very helpful for me to develop my restaurants and my foundation. I envision my foundation to be a representative of the value in learning in Jesuit Catholic tradition, using the knowledge, skills and values gained in the learning process to be someone who cares for others.
