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STORYTELLING COLLEGE ESSAY - academic programs focused on communication and the arts



iSasha 8 / 11  
Oct 29, 2015   #1
I was wondering if anyone had some constructive criticism for two of my college essays below

As you know, the academic programs at (insert college here) are focused on communication and the arts. Please tell us what influenced you to select your major. If you're undecided about your major, what attracted you to (insert college here) programs? Please be brief (100-200 words)

My grandma has a nickname for me that she always calls me when she hears that I am writing another story; her nickname for me is,"The storyteller of the family," and I can hear the immense pride in her voice whenever she calls me that. Ever since I could remember, my life has been immersed with literature and journalism since my family are avid readers and my grandmas side of the family are famous journalists in Panama. I always concluded that I was going to be a writer when I grew up as a little girl, since I would constantly spend my time either reading books, writing books, or planning my next book. As I became older and had less time to write, I focused on journalism as I became more aware of global events and issues. Upon making a music video for a project in school, I became even more interested in film, something in which I could both incorporate my creative writing and journalism skills to create a short movie or documentary. Between my families influence on me of the arts and my personal passion for film, I have decided to major in visual and media arts.

Much of the work that students do at (insert college here) is a form of storytelling. If you were to write the story of your life until now, what would you title it and why? Please be brief (100-200 words)

The story of my life would be appropriately titled,"Expert Vagabond." A vagabond is a person who wanders from place to place without a home, and I have been traveling to various parts of the world since I was one year old. My family has given me multiple opportunities to travel and I could never explain in detail the gratitude I have for them. My passion for traveling rose when I began learning more about the history and cultures of other countries all around the world through books, movies, and school. While I love the US, I can never imagine living here my entire life, and I hope to live in at least every continent throughout my life. One of my goals in life is to never stop exploring, to never stop journeying, because in my personal opinion there is just so much this world has to offer to experience that you would be crazy to not try to encounter a chunk of every country in this world. Unlike a vagabond, while I do have a home, my objective is to see the world from someone else's perspective and so far I have accomplished that by traveling to various countries.

imacoolkid 1 / 1  
Oct 31, 2015   #2
While the content of the second essay itself is good and interesting, there are parts that can be omitted to prevent the essay from dragging on and make it more concise and easy to read. I have my made my revisions on the version below (you are welcome to use them exactly if you wish). Sorry i didnt reply to essay 1, i didnt feel like i could give you very good feedback on it so i instead focused on essay 2.

The story of my life would be appropriately titled,"Expert Vagabond." A vagabond is a person who wanders from place to place without a home, and SIMILAR TO A VAGABOND I have been traveling to various parts of the world since I was one year old. My family has given me multiple opportunities to travel and I could never explain in detail the gratitude I have for them. I HAVE LEARNED SOMETHING VALUABLE FROM EVERY TRIP. My passion for traveling rose BLOOMED when I began learning more about the history and cultures of other countries all around the world through books, movies, and school. While I love the US, I can never imagine living here my entire life, and I hope to live in at least every continent throughout my life. One of my goals in life is to never stop exploring, to never stop journeying, because in my personal opinion there is just so much this world has to offer to experience THE WORLD HAS MUCH TO OFFER that you would be crazy to not try to encounter a chunk of every country in this world AND IT WOULD BE CRAZY TO NOT TRY TO EXPERIENCE IT ALL. Unlike a vagabond, while I do have a home, my objective is to see the world from someone else's perspective and so far I have accomplished that by traveling to various countries I WISH TO SEE THE WORLD FROM ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE AND CAN ACCOMPLISH THIS THROUGH TRAVELLING IT.


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