'The strength of the Egyptian people' - Why journalism? Emerson supplement

As you know, the academic programs at Emerson College are focused on communication and the arts. Please tell us what influenced you to select your first choice major and, if applicable, your second choice major. If you're undecided about your major, what attracted you to Emerson's programs? Please be brief (100-200 words).

By first handedly witnessing the fall of Egypt's most oppressive dictator after thirty years of tyranny and major violations of human rights, I have gained a substantial understanding of the importance of the world's knowledge of such events. Also, being a victim to the struggles Egyptians have endured for so long such as extreme police brutality, uncontrollable yet allowed sexual harassment, and unreasonably inflated food prices, I have come to understand the importance of speaking up, exposing the truth, and not allowing the actions that have slowly allowed beautiful countries to deteriorate to be excused and forgotten. The strength of the Egyptian people and the opportunity of experiencing the victory and pride they have gained through revolutionizing and rebuilding themselves have led me to journalism. Learning to become an outspoken and skilled journalist will allow me to help not only Egyptians, but people all over the world reveal hidden oppression and celebrate historical triumphs. Being inspired by optimistic, action-based people, I have grown not only a desire, but a passion in studying the art of journalism and reporting the happenings of our global community. Through journalism, I will learn the technique and craft necessary to reach my reporting goals.

the deadlines tomorrow so i need as much help as I can get and as critical as possible! please help and criticize whatever you see fit!

The strength of the Egyptian people and the opportunity of experiencing the victory and pride they have gained through revolutionizing and rebuilding themselves have led me to journalism . Learning to become an outspoken and skilled journalist will allow me to help not only Egyptians, but people all over the world reveal hidden oppression and celebrate historical triumphs . Being inspired by optimistic, action-based people, I have grown not only a desire, but a passion in studying the art of journalism and reporting the happenings of our global community . Through journalism, I will learn the technique and craft necessary to reach my reporting goals.

Blue are relatively good green are good

You lack moderation of sentences,short,long,medium,short etc.
You have experienced a very monumental event so you probably can explain it better. If i were you, i would start with sentence two, in short clips..at the time when the world wasn't aware.

then i will do sentence one...how journalism led to change by exposing such and atlast bring revolution.in this part you should introduce your action based people perhaps from cnn or something reporting the events.

afterwards explain the monumental changes,KEYWORD,Explain,tell us the economy is thriving,Human rights are observed and such
Finish by telling us the changes inspired you to bbe a journalist..because you saw effectiveness of journalism
ps;perhaps if you could reflect small part you did as an individual in the pre-revolution egypt that would put you in a good place

rewrite,i'll follow up