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My strengths, talents, and interest - why do I wish to attend UHart?



beingryanjude 2 / 1  
Oct 18, 2008   #1
I am applying to UHart. Their essay question reads:
Considering your strengths, talents, and interest why do you wish to attend UHart?

I came up with this rough draft. I'm not sure if it fully answers the question. Any help would be great!


I have come a long way since the beginning of my high school career. I started out as a shy kid, who basically just focused on his studies. Over the course of three or so years, I discovered some faith and courage in myself to finally break out of my shell. This allowed me to discover what I wanted out of life. I found my goals, my dreams. I began to set out and reach these goals. My determination to make a good future for myself grows more every day.

I am not exactly sure what I am most talented at but I do know what I take most pride in; that is writing. In my opinion, going to the University of Hartford would allow me to excel greatly in my knowledge and understanding of English and writing.

I would like to major in English at the University of Hartford and minor in video. I believe the University of Hartford will help me not only to find myself further but also the happiness I strive for in success. I am hoping to be to garner higher knowledge in writing through the University of Hartford's English program and be able to combine those ideas with what I learn in the film courses-to essentially find a career in writing for film and/or television. I am not very strong in math or science; therefore, majoring in English and video, I would be able to learn in an area that I have a great passion for.

I am done dreaming. I am ready to make my dreams happen. I believe the University of Hartford will allow me to do so.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Oct 18, 2008   #2
"I am hoping to garner higher..."

In regards to the content, I think you're on to something here. The thing that is hindering you though is your passive tone; it's very wishy-washy. Instead of saying "I am not exactly sure what I am most talented at..." say something like, "I take most pride in my writing. Going to the University of Hartford...". Be strong in your voice and your tone, and you will have a strong essay.

Your conclusion is very nice, and in your introduction you say that you found goals and dreams; keep that conviction throughout the rest of the piece.

Keep up the good work.


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