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"Strong and proud Nigerian parents and me" - Cornell engineering transfer essay

james23 3 / 8  
Nov 28, 2010   #1
Prompt: Tell us what you'd like to major in at Cornell and why, how your past academic or work experience influenced your decision, and how transferring to Cornell would further your academic interests.

Hi, I will like to know if my essay answer the prompt. I will also be glad to have any feedbacks. Thank you for your time.

I was raised by strong and proud Nigerian parents who did not attend college. I am the last child in my family to attend college. I find it hilarious when my father still calls me "baby", since I am the youngest of my siblings. My father always tells me: "Etiosa, do not fellow your brother's path. Do your own things. Be different." I don't want to walk in the shadow of my brother. I want to contribute my own accomplishments to my family name.

Upon starting classes at the New York City College of Technology at the City University of New York, I was initially intimidated because I was not exposed to mathematics and science to the same extent as my peers. As I entered the classroom on the first day of class, I reminisced about my experiences at the Sacnas Regional Conference at Brandeis University, which supports the science and technology research of minority students. Seeing the advanced students and faculty present their work was incredibly inspiring for me. This conference cemented my fascination for science and technology.

Since then, my interest in mathematics and science grew tremendously and I pursued the opportunity to do research with Professors Andrea Ferroglia and Giovanni Ossola. Professor Ferroglia works on theoretical particle physics which is relevant for the Large Hadron Collider and has done research on top quarks physics, Bhabha scattering and rare decays of the B meson. Professor Ferroglia has recently published his findings in Top Quarks Production at Hadron Colliders: an overview. I am currently working with Professor Ferroglia and Ossola on a project involving the interplay between particle interactions and their properties. I find it especially intriguing that, while gluons are the particles that are responsible for holding quarks together within neutrons and protons, they can also self interact without any involvement of other quarks. We have been discussing precision tests of the Standard Model with data from the Large Hadron Collider. In the process, I have learned about the applications of Feynman diagrams for various processes in quantum electrodynamics, such as Bhabha scattering and interactions between electrons and positrons. I have also enjoyed learning about other types of force-carrying particles. For example, the gravitational force is believed to be associated with a massless spin 2 elementary particle called the graviton, which is exchanged between all forms of energy, including matter.

In addition to physics, robotics has always intrigued me. I have taken the opportunity to learn about robots by participating in a robotic design team. I was mostly involved in the interior design of the robot and used Autodesk Inventor, along with other software packages. I would like to study mechanical engineering in the School of Engineering at Cornell University do research with Cornell Professor Andy Ruina on locomotion and robotics. I find it amazing that he has designed robots which use little or no power and yet can walk for large distances. This year, his Cornell Ranger achieved the distance record for an autonomous legged robot by walking for 14.3 miles! This may have incredible applications within the biomechanical field for making more effective artificial legs. I would love to have the privilege to continue my studies at Cornell University and be involved in these wonderful discoveries.

494 words

BIN157 4 / 16  
Nov 30, 2010   #2
Raised by strong and proud Nigerian parents who did not attend college with four siblings (your parents' siblings or your siblings? It's confusing here). I am the last child in my family attending college.

My father always says , " Etiosa, do not follow your brother's path, do your own things, be different".

I was confused that my father does not see me but my brother (It is indeed confusing here. I think u should revise this sentence)

I see quite a number of grammar errors here, so can u proofread your essay again? :)
I dont really understand why the saying of the professor "do not give up without a fight", increase your interest in maths and science.

The example with professor Andrea is interesting, I think you should work on it more, give it more elaboration:)

Hope these helps:)

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