Be as critical as you can! Besides mechanical errors, please let me know if I could use a stronger tone, assess the prompter better, be more specific, etc. Also, I hit word limit and I wanted to elaborate on the 1st paragraph more... whoops.
What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified? (250 words)
I paid my first visit to a college at Northwestern, prospects for my future in clouded disarray. The high ranking, academic rigor, and situation near the lively city of Chicago both intimated and excited me. My tour guides, close friends, guided me through the beautiful campus, growing nostalgic about their experiences at the school. I felt at home at Northwestern.
I was overwhelmed by all the new information hitting me at once. The students and staff embraced what I felt was unpreparedness, anxiety. Rather than stiff commitment, they promoted the exploration of interests. With some pressure relieved by this revelation, I began to connect some of the unspoken ambitions that lurked throughout my mind.
I believe everyone should approach others with an open mind; everyone has a unique story, and none should be overlooked. I aspire to study the interactions of people, learn about history as well as how to shape the future, and experience as many cultures as I can. I also want to find myself invigorated by new passions.
At the Weinberg College of Arts & Sciences, I will take advantage of the multitude of opportunities abroad and interning, opportunities inaccessible in smaller institutions. However, Northwestern also appeals to me for its personal feel. Every individual I met was helpful, vibrant. Fiercely determined, but not cutthroat academics. The smaller classes would allow me to excel without feeling restricted. The environment at Northwestern provides just the right balance for me to find myself, explore my passions, and construct my future.
I believe everyone should approach others with an open mind; everyone has a unique story, and none should be overlooked. I aspire to study the interactions of people, learn about history as well as how to shape the future, and experience as many cultures as I can. I also want to find myself invigorated by new passions
This paragraph is a bit disjointed and drifts a way from the main essay. i feel you should modify it and try to fit it in. you are trying to express a diverse and multicultural background as one of the unique qualities of the school and how you would love to get to know, interact and be influenced by these people from different walks of life and how it will also play a vital role in your learning experience.
"My passion for learning will be complemented by the presence of a well integrated multicultural environment consisting of people with various stories, experiences and unique characters which i would love to interact with and experience to the fullest. My belief in the uniqueness of people has broadened my mind and in turn pushed me to seek exposure to their various capabilities and accomplishments as well as their histories. Northwest, with its balance of theory and social learning, is the ideal place for me to experience and gain first hand knowledge in my quest for changing and re-shaping the future".
well, i hope this helps and i hope i am not completely off point.
(Thanks for responding to mine!)
Really liked your first two paragraphs. I thought it was really attention-grabbing and didn't sound like something you could write for 10 other schools.
I also want to find myself invigorated by new passions.
What does this mean? Do you mean you want to find new passions? Seems like it belongs more in the next paragraph (which I don't think needs a paragraph break actually. It could be tacked onto the third paragraph in my opinion) or you might be able to delete it.
Fiercely determined, but not cutthroat academics.
Hmm if you're saying that the people there are "fiercely determined", those people can't be "cutthroat academics". How about "overly competitive" or something?
Also like the last sentence. I really think that the main problem is just what you're trying to convey in the last paragraph. It's vague-r than your first paragraph and I think your last paragraph is the one that needs elaborating rather than the first one, that one doesn't need anything more!
Hope this helped you! :)
In my opinion the wording of this sentence is a little disconnected. The period in the middle throws off the structure of the sentence.
"Every individual I met was helpful, vibrant. Fiercely determined, but not cutthroat academics."
"Each individual I met was helpful, vibrant, fiercely determined, yet not overly harsh."