STUDY PLAN. I would like to ask if the Canada embassy will help me to achieve my goals

FOR CANADA EMBASSY

First of all I would like to thank to George brown college for accepted the offer that I ask.
I am FUAD SHEMSU SABIR and I would like to ask if the Canada embassy will help me to achieve my goals. I am particularly interested in furthering my knowledge in science and art. Since I was little, I had intense fascination with science and art, and desire to explore them. Then after I grow up I learn a little bit more. After a successful completion of high school with excellent performance, I am now ready to pursue my dream of earning a degree in this field. And now I hope I got opportunity to explore more thoroughly in this field.

I now intend to study overseas which I have been dreaming for a very long time. So I research on good university outside my home country which would suit my aspiration and study goals. I'm confident that George brown university is the right place for me to earn that knowledge and exposure to make my dream a reality.

That's why I would like to join the university of George brown one of the top university in the world having an outstanding reputation and ranking in global standards. My long term goal is to become professional in my country and work towards its development.

Thank you sincerely
27/11/2017

Hello fahme I believe you are applying for George brown university.. And they have not admitted you yet, so I think your first sentence ("First of all I would like to thank to George brown college for accepted the offer that I ask.") Was unnecessary.

Try stating out clearly the major you want to go for..science and art is too ambiguous

... college for accepted accepting the offer that I askasked.
Since I was little, I had have had ...
And now I hope I got can have ...

tnx in advance guys...
please give me some other advices

Fufu, As an applicant for a student visa, you first have to establish that you have already been admitted to the next academic semester. That is established by the documentation that you will be submitting to the visa officer. There is no need to mention it as the opening statement of your essay. Next, you need to fully establish the reasons why you wish to study in Canada, at George Brown College to be precise. Explain what your major at the university is. Then convince the reviewer that you cannot get sufficient education in this field in your home country. Describe the educational situation there that makes this impossible for you to do. Focus not only on the major you have chosen, but the reasons that you want to study in Canada. What is your study plan? What will be focus of your Canadian education be? Why is it important to you that you complete the focused study in Canada? Since you are expected to submit a study plan, you have to envision what kind of process your Canadian education will have to go through in order to accomplish your academic objectives. You have to state the academic objectives in relation to the study plan as well.

@Holt
thank you
please give me an example letter

I think your study plan is just too general. First of all which one is your major? Which part of science and art do you enjoy the most? You should talk about your goals and how an education in Canada would help you to achieve them. This is not an essay about why George Brown so don't focus on that. Also as far as I'm concerned, you have an one page limit, don't waste it, you still have a lot to write about.

Hi i think here are some points that need change.
in the third line ( furthering my knowledge) the word furthering is not interesting here you should change it by another word
another point ( i was a little) not interesting use another word
( after i grow up i learn ...) revise it according to tense.
( i hope i got) revise tense
( i now intend ) using (Now) here is not necessary and interesting for reviewers

You should read your letter out loud to get a feel for what you have written. For example a couple grammatical errors that need to be changed are:

... embassy (can) help me to achieve my goals

I had (an) intense fascination with science and, art, and (a) desire ...

After revising your grammar mistakes try to take car of redundant and choppy sentences for example:

Then after I grow up ... CAN BE REVISED TO:

After a couple years combined with a successful high school performance I will be ready to pursue my dream of earning a degree (Insert Degree), hoping to receive the opportunity to explore these field to its full extent.