"I study Technical Physics" - study abroad in London

hey!

i'm writing on my personal statement for my application to study abroad. maybe you have some ideas or can help me?

my first draft:

Travelling has always been a huge passion of mine. It is fascinating to explore new cultures and to understand different ways of living in foreign countries. I know this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity to fulfil my dream of living abroad. Studying at XY University would not only give me the opportunity to spend a semester in London, one of the most vibrant and multi-cultural cities in Europe, but also to develop my personal skills.

During a summer internship at an international technology company I realized that it is essential to gain international experience while being educated. I think it is important for my future career development to broaden my horizon by attending business courses, because of the close interaction between technology, science and business. Furthermore, spending some months in England would help me to learn to speak a second language fluently.

Though I study Technical Physics at my Home University, Vienna University of Technology, I have a broad interest in many subject areas. Beside my studies I am playing clarinet in an orchestra and also volunteer as a clarinet teacher for primary school children once every two weeks.

I believe that my analytical thinking, which I developed over the last year while studying physics, would help me to attend business courses successfully and my ambition to learn new things, combined with my desire to experience new adventures, is a good basis for an exciting and wonderful time in London.

Thank you so much!!

I like it, It's written very good.

It is a fascinating way to explore new cultures and to understand different ways of living in foreign countries.

i don't know how much help that would be, but good luck!

When you start to write, think about what you want to accomplish. Actually, when you start doing anything, think about what you want to accomplish, what effect you want to have. With this essay, I think you want to make the reader feel a sense of obligation to enable you to continue your excellent process because of your great attitude and carefully designed, detailed plan for the future.

So if that is the purpose, the sentences above do not help. Make sure all your sentences are either keeping the reader's interest or fulfilling your purpose...

All these below are too broad and general to be inspirational. You need to state an intention, boldly! You need to give them something to remember you by.

:-)
a broad interest in many subject areas.
my ambition to learn new things,
my desire to experience new adventures