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"how to succeed in the pool" - extracurricular activities essay



Laubach 5 / 7  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
Suggestions, comments, advice. It's all greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!!

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences:

My high school water polo and swim coach has taught me the how to succeed in the pool, as well as how to succeed in the classroom and in life. As a coach and a teacher, he has shown me the importance of balancing my time between extracurricular activities and academics. Through the hours spent at Jim Stone pool I have learned the values of commitment and dedication. When I tried to quit the swim team because it seemed too hard, my coach explained to me the commitment I made and encouraged me to keep trying. I finished the season strong and now know the importance of fulfilling my commitments. Some days jumping into a freezing pool was the last thing I wanted to do. But, I did it because it was worth the reward of playing the sport that I love and learning the life-long lessons that I did.

Gregoryg93 4 / 12  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
What you have here is good, but if you want to make it better you should delete the phrases that everyone else would say and come up with your own.
ivygirl22 2 / 12  
Dec 30, 2010   #3
this is good, answers the prompt
but i would suggest to change your style of writing for this essay.
Its not really engaging


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