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"Successful not only for my parents" - how my world has shaped dreams / aspirations.



Demeris 4 / 5  
Nov 26, 2010   #1
Describe your world and how it shapes your dreams and aspirations.

My life and world isn't anything outstanding. My life and family is pretty normal, so I decided to write on my parents who have shaped my dreams by being supportive, caring, loving parents.

My biggest concern is does my essay answer the prompt in an effective way.
-can you tell what my world is?
-can you see my dreams and aspirations? how are they affected by my world?
Any criticism, comments, or complaints are welcome.
Thank You :)

My biggest fans always been my parents. They are my supporters in all I do, want to do, and have done. They do their best to attend all my music concerts, soccer tournaments and award ceremonies. My parents never forced me to do anything; they gave me the ability to make my own decision and choices. They believed this way, I could and would become an individual. So when asked to play the violin, my dad said, "Alright". He took me the next day to Morry's Music and I rented a tiny red violin. A few weeks later, I was having my first private lesson. After becoming interested in soccer, I asked my mother," Mom I think I want to play soccer". She looked at me with reassuring eyes and went to the computer. To my satisfaction she was researching youth soccer organizations. They always nurtured my interests and never hindered a possible talent.

My parents strongest support though always was for my academics. They told me that i needed to do my work, listen to the teachers, learn...

irfinken 2 / 2  
Nov 26, 2010   #2
Capitalize "i"

We were laughing,enjoying each others company while our bellies

the question was innocent and not harmless - I think it should be "innocent and harmless", or "innocent, but not harmless"

I'm actually writing the same essay right now, and ours are quite similar. I like the last paragraph, it really sums it up.

Overall, I think you're well on your way. I'm no english expert, but I could relate and I enjoyed it.


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