Do you think I should add any ideas/desires about the student environment and location?
One of the most successful people I have ever met graduated from northwestern university; I would like to do the same. This man is beyond successful when it comes to intelligence, graciousness, and ambition. He became my role model as he described how he landed million dollar contracts and studied with acclaimed professors. Northwestern soon became a fantasy, the first stepping-stone in my journey to becoming just like my role model. After sending a letter expressing my interest in the school I was awarded with brochures and pamphlets sent by undergraduate admissions. These pamphlets are the beginning of my northwestern experience.
So far my Northwestern experience has been full of hopes of dreams of attending the McCormick School of Engineering. McCormick has smaller classes providing students with a more personal teaching, and it also boasts an amazing first year course load. The Engineering Analysis and Engineering Design and Communication courses allow me to communicate with a real client and a real team it also allows me to learn from both objects and ideas. The quarter system has really won me over with its flexibility and ease to learn more and double major. With the quarter system I will be able to test out new areas and really see if I am interested in that specific field. The system will allow me to have a full schedule with ranging subjects. Unlike many schools, Northwestern is dedicated to its students rather than its own research funding. Northwestern's want for their students to succeed academically and civically is shown through their co-op programs and engagement in community. Working at PharmaSeek I have interlinked with many Northwestern professors about their current drugs or medical creations going through clinical trials. Professors who are able to create life saving medicines simply want to teach the most competent and determined students, these professors obviously see something of value at Northwestern. Not only is Northwestern a great place to educate the minds of students, it is also a great place to mold the moral character of students.
With so many people from such diverse backgrounds, there is no doubt in my mind I will pick up some good habits. I plan to join Northwestern's Thai Club and participate in the many diverse cultural activities available. I know at Northwestern I will still be able to keep in touch with my diverse upbringing. I will gain more leadership and self-reliance skills through discovering my capabilities from Northwestern's club sports such as: boxing, sailing, ski racing, and lacrosse. Chicago is one of the "smaller" big cities in America giving it the ability to have kinder and less distracted citizens. The Chicago area will become my own personal observational business course; where I will watch and learn from skilled business associates. I believe Northwestern has correct academic and social setting for me to grow to my greatest potential. I hope my Northwestern experience will continue off of paper into real life so I may experience intangible joys that could never be obtained by a rankings list.
What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?
This is the prompt for others who might be wondering what he/she may be answering.
Overall I enjoyed your essay, however I think you spent a little too much time talking about your role model that went to Northwestern than what qualities make Northwestern attractive to you.
your reason to attend:
quarter syster- great, not too many schools offer this
top ranked engineering school
flexibility - double major
competent teachers who want to teach
you knew someone successful who went there
Pharmaseek
I may be reading this the wrong way but it kinda sounds like you want to go there because they are top ranked and because you know someone who makes millions of dollars who went there and you want to make millions of dollars too.
Also it is never a good idea to talk about ranking in a college essay because it may seem like you only want to go there based on how hight they are ranked with U.S. News and World Report.
Still I enjoyed your essay but I feel like you need something else that will make this essay pop, maybe a program or a club/ organization that is only offered at NW. You want the admissions person to know oh this kid really wants to go here and they did their research, so maybe do some searching around their website to tighten up your essay.
I hope this doesn't come off as harsh as that is not my intention whatsoever. Additionally, please read and comment on my essays as well.
You should elaborate who you met, why did she/he influence you, etc.
So far my Northwestern experience has been full of hopes of dreams of attending the McCormick School of Engineering has always been highly ranked with so many different combinations of classes to take
awkward sentence? fiz it would make the flow seem more natural..
Critique mine please? thanks! :)
I edited it what do you think?
or do you think I should just delete the first paragraph ??
One of the most successful people I have ever met graduated from northwestern university; I would like to do the same. This man is beyond successful when it comes to intelligence, graciousness, and ambition;he is a model plan of what I wish to become. Northwestern soon became a fantasy, the first stepping-stone in my journey to my own triumphs. After sending a letter expressing my interest in the...
Yeah, I think you would be better off without your first paragraph. I understand that your role model is a big part in your life...but I think it may come off as you want to follow your role model.
^Agreed with above.
Your first paragraph really has no pertinence to the central message of your essay, so I think you should cut it or, at the very least, construct it in a way that relates your "role model" with your engineering interests.
agree with stuff about first paragraph...it's good that you have a goal and a focus for what you want to do at northwestern, both academically and extracurricular-ly. i feel like some sentences are a little too fluffy? like they don't add much to the whole of your essay, so maybe they're unnecessary.
take a look at mine? thanks :)
So far my Northwestern experience has been full of hopes of dreams of attending the McCormick School of Engineering.
This is a cool idea, but I think you should replace these words: been full of hopes and dreams
I think those words should be replaces by some action verbs and an interesting noun or two...
I think these words should be replaced with specific examples of your interests.
I see that later on in the essay you give some great examples! But other sentences do not do anything for the reader's experience. This sentence does not tell the reader anything new.
:-)
Great essay, you have some useless sentences in there though. If a sentence does not help strengthen your essay, replace it with one that will.
