I decided to rewrite the essay. This is what I have so far and I have troubles how to keep it going with the flow and finishing it off. What I mainly wanted to address in my essay was the wrong rout I intended to pursue which was the Bio, Pre-med led me to failure in first year of college and realized pre-med was not the right option for me. I made a big transition from art and science college to business and this is where I fit and figured out my strengths and weakness. I pulled myself back on my feet from going on probation first year of my college with a science major to making it into dean's list and getting accepted into Phi Theta Kappa with perfect grades with business major. I always had interest with computers, technology, math, and business skills. I started off at Texas Tech University but since I wasn't able to switch my major due to low gpa I had to leave tech and for a year I went to community college to start off right and got 4.0 gpa and all. I don't know how else to finish it off. Any suggestions. Thank you!
"Success is how high you bounce when you hit the bottom," (George S. Patton). Life has not been easy with my cleft palate condition and dealing with depression disrupted my academics. On top of everything, my first year of college at Texas Tech University through a curveball right at me. I was dealing with all sorts of anxieties, depression, being far away from family, and encountered severe health problems. I have feared and failed before in my life but nevertheless did I let the failure outtake me but instead get past it.
In Fall 2014 I had the opportunity to attend Texas Tech University as Biology, Pre-med major. At that time I was still trying to discover what I wanted to become despite all the volunteering's, activities, sports, and organizations I was involved in high school. I followed my brother's footsteps in hoping to become a great doctor but I realized I needed to follow my own footsteps. I was heading towards the wrong rout, Biology; Pre-med was not the right major for me. I thought I knew my strengths and weakness but I had not realized taking two science classes my first semester of college was the worst mistake I had ever made. I hit the rock bottom and knowing that it will be long, hard journey to get back on my feet; I was not going to let the failure outtake me.
Thanks for being so open and honest with your answers. You know I too have struggled with depression, and it hit especially hard my freshman year of college, so I definitely feel for you.
I really like the "Success is how high you bounce when you hit the bottom," quote. Looking at your writing, it looks like there were two points in your life when you "hit rock bottom" - one was when you moved to the US and faced a triple whammy with dealing with your cleft palate, learning a new language, and constantly moving to new schools. This culminated in depression and anxiety, a lonely period with few friends, and getting held back a grade. But as you say in your first essay, you relied on your own inner strength, as well as that of you family, especially your brother, whom it sounds like you are quite close to. You made a great recovery, adjusted course, and excelled in high school. Then the second "rock bottom" moment was your freshman year of college. You feel like you made a wrong choice in major, your classes did not interest you, and being away from the support system of your family caused those old demons depression and anxiety to once again rear up their heads. Personally, I think it is crazy that we expect high school seniors to somehow figure out what they want to do for the rest of their lives and choose a major that seems set in stone.
I think it would be a good idea to explain why you started off in pre-med. It sounds like a big part of it was your Lima Peru trip, which you can definitely mention in this context and that way it won't be a "list of accomplishments", but an explanation for your decision. Plus, the fact that you were following in your brother's footsteps is important too. I sense that you felt a strong need to help other people and so you choose pre-med, since all your high school classes were equally easy for you. But then you started college and struggled with those biology courses (and chemistry I guess?) that just didn't mesh with your interests (I would avoid saying anything like "they were too hard" because of course that sounds bad, but I think any course that doesn't truly intrigue you is going to be difficult for you} So this is where you did the amazing thing and really analyzed what you wanted and loved to do, rather than what other people were doing or what the world expected you to do. I think mentioning that the business world provides just as many ways to help people as the medical field, and taking those business classes opened your eyes to how broad the horizons are in the IT/business field and how intrigued you were by the vast variety of subjects in those areas.
So I'm thinking maybe something like this
Para 1 Intro - start in the middle of the story - rock bottom #2 with short description of your situation, then finish with you knew you could overcome this, because you had done so before.
Para 2 - Background info on rock bottom #1, finishing with your recovery and thriving in high school
Para 3 - Explain rock bottom #2 in more detail, beginning with why you picked pre-med, then ending with your freshman year
Para 4 - Explain how you recovered from rock bottom #2, including solving your problems and choosing a new major/direction, ending in great success sophomore year.
Para 5 - conclusion - these struggles have made you a stronger person and that ties into the Aggie spirit, since they know they will always struggle and never be as good as UT. (ha ha, just joking. I graduated from UT myself, so I have to give you a hard time) But seriously, I think your story shows great resilience and flexibility, two qualities that are critical to success in college.
This is just an idea, you won't hurt my feelings a bit if you decide to go in a different direction - it's not like a math test where there is only one answer.
No no I love your idea and it is clear and outlined perfectly for me to concentrate and address my issues clearly. This is just what I needed. Thank you sooo much again for your help. I really appreciate it.
Hhaha you're a longhorn, gotchaa!! Tech was pretty close to beating them last year. No hate though haha that is what college is all about, hating the rivalry teams. Not gonna lie, i'm still a red raider at heart even though I no longer go there but all my best friends are there and I truly miss it because I was starting to love it there butTech still won't let me change my majors even despite getting 4.0 GPA at another college and all, so there's no way I can go back to a biology, pre-med major. UT is amazing not gonna lie. My brother got accepted there but he chose to attend The Ohio State University instead and graduated from there so yeah.
Everyone always seems to hating on the Aggies though, where ever you go in Texas just talks trash about them haha but it's cool. I got accepted into UT Dallas but it's pretty small college and no football team and all so I was wanting to give Texas A&M a try. Trying won't hurt me as long as they overlook my first year of college at Tech and realize my drastic improvement that first year was just a mistake. Wish me luck. Thank you so much again! :)