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"Sunflower" significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken...


kayyao 6 / 20  
Nov 29, 2009   #1
Plz help. I am applying to Miami Oxford stern. My English is really really terrible. Any reply is greatly appreciated!!!!
--Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Sunflower extends its neck and twigs. Although they are somehow slender and deformed, sunflower scrapes its fingernails deep into the earth and straightens its face to the sun. It grows in thorns, but by the end of summer, you will see it flourish with the fruitation of maturity.

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meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Nov 29, 2009   #2
Sunflowers extend their necks and twigs. Although they are slender and deformed, sunflowers can scrape fingernails deep into the earth while straightening their face to the sun. They grows in thorns, but by the end of summer, they flourish with the fruit of maturity. <plural maybe?>

I attended elementary school late and was forced to adapt into the new environment quickly. Since the first day of school, teachers noticed that I needed more academic support and attention from them. Although I excelled in Art class, I was terrible at Math and barely aware of a dozen words while others had already started reading The Confucian Analects. Not surprisingly, I was the one who always got the lowest mark. My peers were incredibly cynical; they classified people into categories of idol, commoner and moron based on grades-nobody made friends with morons. I was on outcast. Even in my excelled art class, I was the center of ridicule. "Dude, look at this bizarre flower. Ugh. Can moron also draw?" I wanted to gobble myself whole so that others couldn't see me. My tears rolled down my cheek in a big Ha-Ha. <what is a ha-ha?laugh?>

I returned home sorrowful and depressed. I glanced at my painting and started to erase everything off. Yes, my sunflower was hopeless, but I just could not accept that all my effort devoted in the sketch was all for nothing. The nanny heard me weeping, and quickly approached, "What a nice painting!" she proclaimed. "No, it sucks; my classmates think it is stupid." I cried even harder. Nanny patted on my shoulder, "They are just jealous and afraid that you would surpass them. Don't let others steal your confidence. Your painting is just fine the way it is." Then, she firmly snatched my eraser away. I look at my painting, a stem seemingly too thin to heave a weighty head up confronting the sun; several leaflets too small to absorb sufficient nutrition. Even though some stems were somehow crooked and that just made it right. Despite the fact that my flower could not fit the criteria of beautiful or even normal, it didn't need anything. I could see something struggling under its tenuous appearance. I could see it grow.

She was right. <most of this is very good.>

With that painting, I won the first place in the "National Literature and Art Competition" among five thousands participants. Years later, with unconcealed confidence and delight, persistence and hard work, I overcame all the obstacles and reached the top of my class within a year. While nanny has not worked for us for years, I have her words treasured deep in my heart, "Don't let others steal your confidence", believe in it, and I will accomplish anything. <ending needs a bit fixing. sorry I edited right on your essay. try looking for fixes and see why. you answer the prompt very well though. good luck.>
ngocampo92 1 / 5  
Nov 30, 2009   #3
Your sunflower metaphor was beautiful.

Sunflowers extend [their] neck and twigs. Although they are slender and deformed, sunflowers scrape their roots like fingernails deep into the earth, straightening their faces to the sun. They grow in thorns, but by the end of summer, you will see them flourish with the fruitation(is that a word?) of maturity.
OP kayyao 6 / 20  
Dec 1, 2009   #4
Thanks so much meisj0n and ngocampo92. Your comments are very helpful and encouraging. I will definitely look into these changes.


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