The UC prompt
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
&
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Before you read, this is not my original personal statement that i had written, i disliked my first personal statement, so i rewrote a brand new one, which seemed more real, as i dug in deep about my life, lol, everything just came to my mind...but the thing is ITS TOO LONG!..can someone help me allocate the words, and help me revise and edit, it would be very much appreciated, and i will do the same back... Oh, and did i answer the first prompt too long?
any feedback is welcome, thanks.
Screaming and crying, I was only a baby, though I do not recall what had happen at the exact moment I was born, I do know that I , as well, as my mom was in pain. The only story that I know of is the one that my mother had told me through my curiosity of the slightly vast 2 inch completely bald spot on my head, the story where I was immediately placed into surgery after being given birth to. I do not yet know the exact cause of my head surgery, but I am determined to find out one day, when my mother is finally ready to tell me the real story. She claims that the surgery was little to nothing, and it wasn't important to know, for she was scared that it would make me think that I was not normal like other kids. Though this was what she claimed, I do remember her constantly using this "head surgery" as an excuse to when I had a lower grade than the siblings in my family. I will admit, at times, I did think that this had affected my learning abilities, but as I grew up, I realized that it was no excuse, I have the same opportunities and ability to do anything as everyone else has.
With connection to me being hospitalized while being an infant, I was also scarred on the right hand, in which appeared to be a "burn" mark. I asked my mother, and she responded saying that it was an accidental burn, while I was being hospitalized. She said I was crying deliberately, and her heart broke because she didn't know what to do but stand and watch for it was also difficult because like the new citizen in America she was, she knew no English at all. She explained to me that I turned out okay, and that the doctor had no intentions of hurting me, but opposite, he was trying to save me, and for this reason, she placed no charges on the doctor. From this, many life lessons were taught to me through my mom's actions at the time, she taught me to forgive, to care, and to do what is best for the community as a whole. On behalf of this, I am today, a caring forgiving person.
Since my family came from Vietnam, it was hard for them to easily adapt to the American culture. All my life, I was raised by my mom whom frequently reminded me to get an education, not just an education but a straight A education. Although I had not yet reach this point, I know that I will, because I notice that every year, my knowledge had improve, and every year, my grades has gotten better, I even had people in my family praising me for always trying. I didn't let anything get in my way of trying, not the fact that I could've died at birth neither the fact that my family relied on the government for a decent living. All of this just made me want to do better, so that I can support my family, as well as myself in the future. My mom came to America for a reason, for a chance to live a better, stable life, and I will someday provide her with this life that she deserve.
Nevertheless, with the typical Asian mind, that my mother had, she always encouraged me to become a lawyer or a doctor. I did not want to become a lawyer, it just wasn't "me," it didn't define me, but as a doctor, fortunately, this has always been my dreams. Not just becoming any doctor, but becoming a children's doctor, a pediatrician. I had always had compassion toward children, and a dream to work in the medical field, where I can improve the health of kids.
Directing this to me as a child, a doctor had saved my life, so why not do the same and improve and promote the health and wellness of other kids. I never want to see mothers going through the fear of losing their child. It just fitted right in with where I wanted to be years from now, I know that I will find happiness in becoming a pediatrician. My dreams and aspiration has been shaped by many events and attributes in my life, and I want to give many children a chance to live a healthy life, for this reason, I am willing to do whatever it takes, to become a pediatrician.
With respect to the career that I have in mind, I volunteered to fundraise for Gaucher;s disease, a disease that mainly targeted children, and kids as young as newborns, a disease that caused a metabolic failure. The moment that I heard of this event, I immediately volunteered, for I knew that with my help, it would save maybe not a million lives, but at least one life, and one life saved meant a lot to a family. I paced around the school, as well as my neighbored hood informing people about what Gaucher's disease was, and what it had caused. I managed to collect up to fifty dollars worth of pledge money. The feeling of turning in the money was indescribable; the feeling of contributing to saving a life can't be compared to anything else. My friend, whom also collected some money, then decided to keep the money for herself. Unlike me, she didn't empathize with the disease, and with little knowledge of the disease, I explained to her in clear descriptive details that because of her selfishness, a child may not be saved. She came to an understanding, and at last turned in the money, not because she was forced to by me, but because I altered her judgment, she then said thank you to me, and I again, felt joy. This event is the biggest accomplishment in my life thus far, and it defines me, because I am always "in" when it comes to maintaining the health of people. My mother had taught me well, she is the reason for who I am, as a person today, a caring, compassionate person.
THANK YOU FOR THE HELP IN ADVANCE
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
&
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Before you read, this is not my original personal statement that i had written, i disliked my first personal statement, so i rewrote a brand new one, which seemed more real, as i dug in deep about my life, lol, everything just came to my mind...but the thing is ITS TOO LONG!..can someone help me allocate the words, and help me revise and edit, it would be very much appreciated, and i will do the same back... Oh, and did i answer the first prompt too long?
any feedback is welcome, thanks.
Screaming and crying, I was only a baby, though I do not recall what had happen at the exact moment I was born, I do know that I , as well, as my mom was in pain. The only story that I know of is the one that my mother had told me through my curiosity of the slightly vast 2 inch completely bald spot on my head, the story where I was immediately placed into surgery after being given birth to. I do not yet know the exact cause of my head surgery, but I am determined to find out one day, when my mother is finally ready to tell me the real story. She claims that the surgery was little to nothing, and it wasn't important to know, for she was scared that it would make me think that I was not normal like other kids. Though this was what she claimed, I do remember her constantly using this "head surgery" as an excuse to when I had a lower grade than the siblings in my family. I will admit, at times, I did think that this had affected my learning abilities, but as I grew up, I realized that it was no excuse, I have the same opportunities and ability to do anything as everyone else has.
With connection to me being hospitalized while being an infant, I was also scarred on the right hand, in which appeared to be a "burn" mark. I asked my mother, and she responded saying that it was an accidental burn, while I was being hospitalized. She said I was crying deliberately, and her heart broke because she didn't know what to do but stand and watch for it was also difficult because like the new citizen in America she was, she knew no English at all. She explained to me that I turned out okay, and that the doctor had no intentions of hurting me, but opposite, he was trying to save me, and for this reason, she placed no charges on the doctor. From this, many life lessons were taught to me through my mom's actions at the time, she taught me to forgive, to care, and to do what is best for the community as a whole. On behalf of this, I am today, a caring forgiving person.
Since my family came from Vietnam, it was hard for them to easily adapt to the American culture. All my life, I was raised by my mom whom frequently reminded me to get an education, not just an education but a straight A education. Although I had not yet reach this point, I know that I will, because I notice that every year, my knowledge had improve, and every year, my grades has gotten better, I even had people in my family praising me for always trying. I didn't let anything get in my way of trying, not the fact that I could've died at birth neither the fact that my family relied on the government for a decent living. All of this just made me want to do better, so that I can support my family, as well as myself in the future. My mom came to America for a reason, for a chance to live a better, stable life, and I will someday provide her with this life that she deserve.
Nevertheless, with the typical Asian mind, that my mother had, she always encouraged me to become a lawyer or a doctor. I did not want to become a lawyer, it just wasn't "me," it didn't define me, but as a doctor, fortunately, this has always been my dreams. Not just becoming any doctor, but becoming a children's doctor, a pediatrician. I had always had compassion toward children, and a dream to work in the medical field, where I can improve the health of kids.
Directing this to me as a child, a doctor had saved my life, so why not do the same and improve and promote the health and wellness of other kids. I never want to see mothers going through the fear of losing their child. It just fitted right in with where I wanted to be years from now, I know that I will find happiness in becoming a pediatrician. My dreams and aspiration has been shaped by many events and attributes in my life, and I want to give many children a chance to live a healthy life, for this reason, I am willing to do whatever it takes, to become a pediatrician.
With respect to the career that I have in mind, I volunteered to fundraise for Gaucher;s disease, a disease that mainly targeted children, and kids as young as newborns, a disease that caused a metabolic failure. The moment that I heard of this event, I immediately volunteered, for I knew that with my help, it would save maybe not a million lives, but at least one life, and one life saved meant a lot to a family. I paced around the school, as well as my neighbored hood informing people about what Gaucher's disease was, and what it had caused. I managed to collect up to fifty dollars worth of pledge money. The feeling of turning in the money was indescribable; the feeling of contributing to saving a life can't be compared to anything else. My friend, whom also collected some money, then decided to keep the money for herself. Unlike me, she didn't empathize with the disease, and with little knowledge of the disease, I explained to her in clear descriptive details that because of her selfishness, a child may not be saved. She came to an understanding, and at last turned in the money, not because she was forced to by me, but because I altered her judgment, she then said thank you to me, and I again, felt joy. This event is the biggest accomplishment in my life thus far, and it defines me, because I am always "in" when it comes to maintaining the health of people. My mother had taught me well, she is the reason for who I am, as a person today, a caring, compassionate person.
THANK YOU FOR THE HELP IN ADVANCE
