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Swim school+Modernizint Times+Independent+March 1963: Shortening, Improving Stanford



meegggan 3 / 7  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
Prompt#1: How did you spend your last two summers?

In the mornings and evenings I worked at Different Strokes Swim School, instructing children in swim lessons, and attended cross country practices. I also participated in International Youth Exchange where I hosted two sisters from Madrid and then spent time at their house exploring the culture and improving my Spanish.

Character Count 321 characters; 300 allowed

Prompt#2: What is the most significant challenge that society faces today?

In today's modernizing times, where success is utterly dependent upon materialistic values, much of society has become apathetic towards issues, such as volunteering, that do not involve a tangible reward. We need to help the less fortunate achieve their success and not focus so much on ourselves.

Character count 298; 300 allowed

Prompt#3: What five words best describe you?

I am independent because I like to make my own decisions and not rely on others to make them for me. I am passionate because I make a strong effort to be involved with the things I care about. I am bold because I do not hold myself back from doing what is right. I am driven because I do not give up. I am steadfast because I will not waver.

Character count 342; 300 allowed

Prompt#4: What historical moment or event do you wish you could have witnessed?

I wish I could have experienced the March on Washington that took place in 1963. That moment was such a turning point for African Americans and all minorities in their quest for equality and I would have been proud to be around such influential people and share in their struggles and victories.

Character count 296; 300 allowed

How can I improve these?
Did I answer the questions thoroughly?
How can I shorten the ones that are too long?

abatado /  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
I'm willing to help you, but you need to post the entire essay...
OP meegggan 3 / 7  
Dec 31, 2010   #3
Well thanks for offering to help me! These aren't really supposed to be essays though, just super short answer questions that need to be under 300 letters long...
brookelanae 7 / 14  
Dec 31, 2010   #4
One simple answer - "Please respond to the following questions so we can get to know you better. Respond in four lines or less, and do not feel compelled to answer using complete sentences."

The admissions officers read thousands of these, they aren't looking for fluff or your knowledge of sentence structure here, simply for content, you answered them too thoroughly.

For example, a good answer would be more like:

Prompt#3: What five words best describe you?

Independent, passionate, bold, driven, and steadfast

Prompt#4: What historical moment or event do you wish you could have witnessed?

the March on Washington in 1963

Perhaps you will find this website helpful? wiselikeus/collegewise/2009/11/stanford-university.html

Please help me out as well, with my roommate letter.
OP meegggan 3 / 7  
Dec 31, 2010   #5
Thankyou for the help! Honestly, I kind of forgot that they didn't need to be written in complete sentences haha
And the website helped a lot!
Thanks:)


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