Synthesized Voices; Common App/ Creative Work

Hi! I am at about 571 words and I need to cut it down to 500 for the common app! I'd really appreciate any help someone has to offer.

I had actually started a different Common App statement but I felt it was too bland and I didn't really feel passionate about what I was writing about so I picked this topic instead. Do you think I accurately hit the prompt?

I am also debating on whether or not to cut out this intro (in italics). I am also uncertain if this is too much "bashing" on mainstream music. Not that I don't appreciate mainstream music but rather its just not my style haha.

Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

"Hey Mom, who sang this? Her voice is pretty high pitc--"
"Honey. That's Justin Bieber."
"...W-What."

When the first notes of Justin Bieber hit my unsuspecting ears from our mini vans worn down radio, I was completely taken aback. Not because of the relatively high pitch of Bieber's voice (Although that was surprising as well), but mainly because I could not comprehend why his voice was alluring to so many teenage girls of America.

As your typical teenager merely striving to find a sense of self-identity, I found myself aiming to align with the preferences of the crowd. Yet as my friends showered perpetual praise over the newest songs by One Direction or Rihanna, I still found myself distant and disjointed from the conversation. While I attempted in vain to relate with the themes and allure of trending American music, I persistently found myself weary of the repetitive storylines of emotional breakups, sex, drugs and partying. Consistently questioning the tastes of the masses, I knew my musical preferences was inherently different than what played each morning on the radio. Yearning to find a musical genre I could sincerely connect and identify with, I then discovered Vocaloid.

The Vocaloid software is essentially a vocal synthesizer which uses syllabic vocals from Japanese artists and compiles them into a program which are used in musical compositions of Vocaloid producers. Despite the simple idea of the Vocaloid program, the Vocaloid community and the songs that Vocaloids sing are what has drastically impacted me.

When I stumbled upon the Vocaloid community, I expected nothing more than robotic voices and superficial storylines but as I browsed around and listened to more songs, I was drawn in by the creativity of each storyline and how different each song was from another. What I had encountered was a beautiful assortment of songs that taught me life lessons that will remain close to my heart forever. The valuable lessons of self sacrifice in Kagamine Rin and Len's Soleil, the truth of pain and the beauty of forgiveness in Megurine Luka's Just Be Friends and Answer, the adversity and triumph of battling our inner demons in Megpoid Gumi's Mozaik Role, and the poignant lesson of treasuring the worth of our lives and appreciating the things we love without shame or doubt in Hatsune Miku's Tell Your World; The songs of Vocaloid has helped me to comprehend life lessons I feel would have been impossible for me to grasp the same way through American music.

I feel it is ironic that voices that are completely robotic could be used to teach lessons that matter so much as a human. Perhaps it is a bit strange finding heartfelt consolation in synthesized voices and fictional anime figures. Perhaps it is strange that rather than wanting to attend a One Direction concert, I want to attend a concert performed by a holographic Hatsune Miku. Perhaps it is strange that instead of singing Taylor Swift in the shower, I sing Japanese at the top of my lungs but no matter what, I am not ashamed. Vocaloid has taught me that.

To discover confidence within yourself, to find strength where you feel there is none; Vocaloid has been my main source of inspiration and has inspired me to follow the lessons imbued within their songs. Vocaloid has changed me as a person and I will never regret for a moment my eclectic love of Japanese synthesized voices.

interesting! i'd keep the italics... it was hilarious to read! i laughed so much!!! (a fellow JB anti-fan) and it will make the adcoms remember ur essay.

Thanks ton! Haha I hope they'll remember it! :)

Are there any portions you feel are superficial or awkwardly worded that I could change to help flow or cut down the word count?

Here's my help for cutting down your word count;


... I think you've given too much details here. This is what I feel the core idea of this sentence;
Like many other teenagers, I too tried to align myself with the preferences of the crowd.


.... my heart didn't let me join their conversations.


Yearning to find a musical genre that I could connect with, I discovered Vocaloid.